Personal Update

I would say that I'm 90=95% recovered from my actual surgery now. And on many levels I feel so much better to be free of the issues that brought about surgery in the first place! I've had occasional moments of emotional struggle (it is now physically impossible for me to ever conceive or carry another baby - even though we have been blessed with living children, this is still something pretty major to process after all those years of infertility), but overall I've had great, overwhelming, only-God-explained peace from the standpoint of emotional ramifications. I know the surgery needed to happen and am glad it is over with.

It's taken me this long to post again because just two weeks after surgery I was faced with some pretty significant health news of a totally different kind, this time related to the other chronic health issues that I've lived with for over 18 years. I had undergone a serious round of medical testing early in 2008 and finally received my full results the last week of December. I'm still trying to process all of this news, the ramifications (both immediate and long-term) and what parts I'm ready to blast out into cyberspace or what parts I feel the need to keep more private for a season. I've always been an "open book" with my health issues, but this time I just don't feel ready to share all the details to an unlimited, and sometimes unknown, audience just yet.

At this point I'll simply say that I'm doing a lot of deep thinking and reflecting and journaling at this stage. I'm pretty sure that many of the things God is teaching me right now will probably eventually make it to this blog, either along with specifics of the medical issues behind those reflections, or at the very least as devotional commentary applicable to a wide range of heartaches. So I ask your forgiveness in advance if I have some quiet seasons, but please understand that my quietness does not mean I'm ignorning this blog, just preparing my heart for what God would have me share in the future.

The one thing I do feel ready to say is that God has been working on my heart in the area of joyfulness. Over the past 3 years God has given me the "theme word" of hope, starting with the title of my book (that was not the working title I used when writing it, but the title that was given by my publisher and ultimately proved to be the perfect choice), and confirmed over and over again by vaious things God kept doing in my life through that season.

Now I'm not saying that I'm "loosing hope" for I think hope and all it's accompanying Scriptures and lessons will always hold a special place in my heart. But to that hope, God is now adding joy and I feel that I have a new "theme word" for this new year. Joy is something I found myself actively pursuing, delighting to be finding on deeper levels in the Lord, and excited to delve deeper into this year. I look forward to sharing more with you on this topic in the days to come.

Mascot?

OK, mascot isn't really the right word. And I know this is nothing like the Bible's awesome description of angels! But I found a figurine that seemed the perfect fit for this blog. They say a picture is worth a thousand words and this image seems to capture a lot of the emotion of Harvesting Hope. I've been eyeing it for a few months now and realized today that I had never shared it with you, so here she is:




ChristianBook.com calls her the "Blessings of Hope Angel Figurine" but in my mind she is the "mascot" (Can someone please give me a better word to use here?) for Harvesting Hope from Heartache™ and seems to fit so beautifully with our verse. Yes, she is an angel, but she could just as easily be a woman gathering those sheaves as talked about in our Psalm 126 verses above.

Quotes to Ponder

I'm preparing for surgery in a couple of weeks and in the meantime the tummy flu is making its way through our family. Since I haven't been posting too often and probably won't be posting a lot over the next couple of months (surgery and recovery) here are a couple quotes I've run across the last few days that I wanted to share as encouragement and edification...

"For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation."
- D. Elton Trueblood, (20th Century American Quaker and theologian)

When All is Stripped Away

The following blog entry was first written last April for my Inner Beauty Girlz blog. If you are struggling with things you wish you could accomplish but running up against limitations, I pray that it will be a blessing to you today. I thought to repost it because I have been feeling much of the same discouragement lately and after reading The Crippled Lamb to my daughter as I tucked her in for bed tonight, I was once again encouraged. That story never fails to uplift me!

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Sitting in church a couple of weeks ago I was simply too tired to stand for the singing time. This isn't at all uncommon - I sit through music time more often than I'm able to stand. (There were years when I rarely could leave the house to attend church at all, so just being able to be there is HUGE!) But as I am sitting I am usually singing and Signing (Sign Language) and stiving to give my whole heart over to worship.

Unfortunately, I started having asthma attacks about 3 years ago and I've found singing to be a frequent trigger. So on weeks when I can't sing either, I grab my inhailer, stop the asthma attack in its tracks, and consentrate on joining in musical worship through Sign. Recently I've found my arms to "heavy" and the pain too instense even to Sign consistantly. So a couple of weeks ago I sat there in church feeling very dejected and asking the Lord what I had left to give. How I could participate in corporate worship when I had nothing left to offer, no strenght to stand, no breath to sing, no ability to even lift my hands in praise?

Though not the song being sung that morning, He immediately reminded me of the words of Matt Redman's song, "The Heart of Worship" (view on uTube link below). A few of the lines are:

When the music fades, all is stripped away, and I simply come
Longing just to bring something that’s of worth that will bless your heart...
I’m coming back to the heart of worship, and it’s all about You, Jesus...

What a great reminder that everything else is external (physical strength, the gifts of voice and hands, every breath I draw) but true worship, like true beauty, is internal. When everything else is stripped away, I am still of worth, I can still be whole, because of who Jesus Christ is. He is worthy of all I am, all I have to offer, even when my offerings are meager.

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17 (NIV)

If you or someone you love is struggling with health issues, check out Rest Ministries, a wonderful organization providing support and encourgement in the face of any and every kind of chronic health challenge. This group was started by a friend of mine and has grown into an international ministry offering local support group chapters, a print magazine and many forms of online support including daily email devotionals, message bords and much more.



(If you are reading this via email and can't view the video, be sure to drop by the Hope Harvesters™ Blog to see this beautiful video for yourself.)


"My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."
- Psalm 73:26 (New International Version)

Well With My Soul

In 1873, Horatio Spafford wrote the words to the hymn "It is Well with My Soul" after the tragic death of his four daughters. This powerful video is a great reminder of God's faithfulness even in the midst of the greatest of storms.

Infertility and Illness Radio Link

I've been talking about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week since my very first post here. Well, NICIAW is finally upon us and I had the joy of talking about Medication, Illness, Fertility and the Desire for Motherhood with Rest Ministries founder, Lisa Copen this afternoon. If you missed the live broadcase, please turn in to the archived program at www.blogtalkradio.com/invisibleillnessconf/2008/09/09/Medications-Illness-Fertility-and-the-Desire-for-Motherhood.

Blog Talk Radio

Tomorrow at noon (Pacific) I’ll be sharing a Blog Talk Radio broadcast about Illness, Medications, Fertility and the Desire for Motherhood as part of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. Infertility is an invisble illness that, like many other chronic illnesses, is often misunderstood. When you live with both infertility and other chronic health challenges too, life can get really complicated! Tune in on Tuesday and let me share a bit of my own story, then call in and share your throughs and questions about growing a family while facing chronic illness.

In the midst of all the physical challenges of both infertility and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, the spiritual journey was even more intense for me. I wrestled with God, struggling and asking and demanding and pleading with him to remove the pain both in my body and in my heart. Like Paul with his “thorn in the flesh” I repeatedly “pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me…” I wanted nothing more than to be a mother and I couldn't understand why that joy came so easily to all my friends while I soaked my pillow with tears month after month. David’s words resounded with me, “I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears” (Psalm 6:6).

I sunk into deep depression, even contemplating suicide. It seemed so unfair that nothing in my body would work as it was designed. If I couldn't even acquire something as basic and natural of pregnancy, I just couldn't see any use God could have for a woman like me. Job’s words captured my despair perfectly, “I prefer strangling and death, rather than this body of mine. I despise my life; I would not live forever. Let me alone; my days have no meaning” (Job 7:15-16, NIV).

Desperate words? You bet! I was a desperate woman. But by God’s grace, and through a long, slow processes of healing my heart, He did not leave me to my own desperation. “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand” (Psalm 4:2, NIV). I wanted healing, instead He chose to say, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). Come join us on Blog Talk Radio and find hope in the midst of your heartache too!