Pruning

I just spent 2 hours out working in my garden yesterday evening. Had a good talk with  our 9-year-old about the meaning of the word "prune". He was so cute, talking about when he got baptized earlier this year his feet got all "pruney" from being in the water. grin emoticon But we did get down to the fact that Jesus must clean/prune us continually to bring us into the shape of His will, just like we were doing to our roses.

I was pretty hard on my plants, leaving only about 6 healthy blooms and a bunch of buds behind (on a total of about 18 rose bushes!) so it looks pretty stark right now. But each cut was made with care and purpose, knowing that by my birthday at the end of the month, I will have a glorious garden full of healthy blossoms, all on nicely trimmed and shaped plants!

I take comfort from my parent's story as newly weds. They had several rose bushes under the kitchen window. Mom was having horrid allergies, so Dad went out and brutally shopped them all nearly down to the roots to try to kill them. They came back healthier and prettier than before! So when the devil sets out to destroy me, God can intend the same season of harsh pruning for my benefit.

I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of me that doesn’t bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more.

John 15:1-2 (The Message)

He cleanses and repeatedly prunes every branch to make it bear more AND richer AND more excellent fruit!

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so 

that you may go and bear fruit-fruit that will last-and so that

whatever you ask for in My name the Father will give you.

This is My command: Love each other." 

John 15:16-17

Lessons from a Rose Garden

Edited to add a picture I drew, based on this post, as part of my stroke recovery therapy process.

This weekend, I posted a long update on my  stoke recovery blog, Stroke of Grace.  I wanted to share a portion of that post with you here, because, while not a topic directly addressed in my upcoming book, it will give you a taste of the "flavor" you might expect to find behind the devotionals in Harvesting Hope from Heartache:

God decided yesterday's gardening hours were a great living object lesson time. I had one really huge, really wild and overgrown, totally healthy [rose] bush. This spring it has gone crazy, throwing out lush stalks several feet long in all directions. It looked so vibrant, it seemed a shame to prune it at all, but it had grown so intently that it totally blocked a walkway between it and the next bush. I could find very little to prune for the health of the plant, but knew the only way to both reclaim my pathway and to encourage voluminous blooming of the whole plant later this spring, would be to bring the unshapen plant under the harsh cuts of the pruning sheers while the sprouts were young and pliable today.

After clearing out a very few branches in need of pruning, I took some well-planning, but perhaps seeming brutal whacks at the path side of that plant, adding dozens of feet of long, strong, beautiful, thriving branches to my discard pile, taking that side of the plant down by half or more in size.

June, 2013: end result of pruning!

I told God that it seemed amazing that rather than shocking the plant to death, I knew my actions were simply to bring around more intentional design and purpose, resulting in a more pleasing and fruitful bush. The more pruned, the more plentiful the expected flowering later this spring and summer.  He replied to my heart, "This is what I am doing in you!"

Once I had that first side molded to my design again, it occurred to me that now the plant looked pathetically out of balance, lopsided, so I continued hacking my way around the whole bush until it was beautifully rounded, but only a shadow of the lush plant I had started with. Still, I am confident that in a month or two, the pain I inflicted today will result in a multitude of glorious blossoms in my healthy, well-grounded bush that no longer risks uprooting in our violent wind storms, like the tumble weeds that roll down the street, much too substantial in size for their relatively tiny root structures to hold them fast in place.

The more I thought about it, God seemed to explain that my life was much like that rose bush, wild and thriving and chasing after every opportunity to stretch and send out exploring fronds. It took ten years of infertility, losses, and decades of chronic illness to begin to tame me, but while I didn't enjoy the pruning process in the least, it was necessary so that my vigor for life didn't lead me so far out of God's intended design that I couldn't accomplish the purpose He intended me to fulfill. It wasn't that those passions were unhealthy or unwise, but the abundance and scattered directions threaten to leave my roots unstable, thus becoming undesirable in their very abundance.

 

 Once that first season of pruning was brought toward conclusion, I had one area of my life mostly trained into obedience, but that seemed to make the rest of all my wild longing more prominent. I see the additional shaping of this strong, healthy plant as my strokes, the ongoing recovery journey toward recovery, and our private family battles. I have been left shattered, violently pruned under the often seemingly unkind hand of the Master Gardener, but he knows that the only way to refocus my many thriving branches (abundance of gifts I had been blessed with, such as a signing voice, playing my flute, the ability to gracefully communicate with both hands via Sign Language, physical beauty, artistic expression through a variety of crafts and mediums I can no longer physically manage, the abundance of home-based business I have tried my hands at over this past decade, even the continued homeschooling of my children, and so much more I haven't even had time to identify yet) is to remove all that fall outside His intent for my life, to not leave me all those opportunities for "chasing after the wind," but bring me down to the bare essentials and start the training process anew (if I had to guess today, I think the critical areas God would have me focus on now would be family, home, health recovery, and writing that may eventually lead to public speaking) so that I may eventually harness that untamed enthusiasm and bring forth a bountiful harvest under His intended plan. I get it, more clearly than I ever have, God. 

Jennifer Saake, last professional picture taken pre-stroke, October, 2010.

My Next Book

I'm often asked when I'm going to write my next book. In reality I've been in the process of writing a book on the life of Paul as encouragement for living with chronic pain and illness for probably close to 5 years now. Since Hannah's Hope took me about 10 years to write, that may not be such exciting news because it tells you I still have a very long way to go!

What I hope is more exciting, what I would like to ask you to partner with me in prayer as God continues to unfold His plan, is that this very blog is becoming a launching pad for what I feel God is turning into my "next" book. Yes, I'm continuing to work on the Paul book too, but over the past year God has me focusing more on an exploration of the Fruit of the Spirit and I've been working on a Bible study related to what He's teaching me.

How does the Fruit of the Spirit tie in with Harvesting Hope from Heartache? I'm glad you asked. ;) It all has to do with sowing seeds, gathering fruit, and ultimately what Source hope springs from. What better time to look to the Lord for help than in the midst of the trials? I'm very excited to see how God is tying so many themes together in my life as He's teaching me through Galatians 5 this year! I pray that this book will be as much of a blessing to you as the journey has been to me.

It is my current goal to have enough of this study written and ready to present to publishers that I can begin the query process around the end of the year or in the very early part of 2012. Will you join me in specific prayer that God will give me His words to write and that this project will unfold according to His will and in His perfect timing?

If you would like to stay updated about my progress, I've just opened a new Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope and would love to have you "like" me over there. :) Feel free to pass this link along to your friends as well.

Desert Seasons

Have you ever endured a really long "dry spell" in your relationship with God? It's hard to harvest much in a desert isn't it?

I once heard a sermon on "desert seasons" about the 40 years of wilderness wandering for the Jews, David's time of hiding out in the desert to escape King Saul's death threats during nearly 20 years of waiting for the fulfillment of his anointing as king, even Jesus' 40 days of fasting and temptation after He was baptized by John and spoken as God's "beloved Son" straight from heaven at the beginning of His earthly ministry. It is hard to go through spiritual deserts where the pursuit of fellowship with Him seems so dry and fruitless and pointless!

If it's any encouragement, you are not alone in these feelings. In fact I think it is a pretty common experience for maturing Christians where God allows us to "outgrow" that initial passion and have to lean on Him more "blindly" in faith at times. Praying that He will give you the courage to keep "going through the motions" as an act of obedience, even when your heart doesn't feel like you are connecting, and that He will bring you through this "desert" (or "deserted" feeling?) time with renewed hope and purpose for the next season of your journey with Him.

Following God Through the Trials is a beautiful article I read this morning, further reflecting on these desert seasons. I pray it will bless you as it has me. Then go on to Storms in the Desert and be reminded that the Living Water will never leave you or forsake you, even when you don't "feel" Him near. {{{hug}}}

All About Me?

How quickly I loose focus. How quickly mankind forgets, becomes self-centered:

At the Last Supper, Jesus passed the bread and cup then said,

21-22"Do you realize that the hand of the one who is betraying me is at this moment on this table? It's true that the Son of Man is going down a path already marked out—no surprises there. But for the one who turns him in, turns traitor to the Son of Man, this is doomsday."

23They immediately became suspicious of each other and began quizzing one another, wondering who might be about to do this.

24-26Within minutes they were bickering over who of them would end up the greatest. But Jesus intervened: "Kings like to throw their weight around and people in authority like to give themselves fancy titles. It's not going to be that way with you. Let the senior among you become like the junior; let the leader act the part of the servant.

-Luke 22, The Message (emphasis added)

One minute worried about Christ, suspicious of one another. In the blink of an eye they forget why they were even arguing in the first place, Whom they were trying to protect. SELF takes priority over the His Lordship. Pride and greed eclipse protection and love.

I'm writing about them. I'm writing about me. *sigh* It's so easy to loose focus and forget. Lord, please help me to love with Your grace, protect with Your passion, choose my battles to Your honor, and remember that it's really about You, not me!!!

Consider the Clovers

Growing in God’s Flower Garden is a sweet reminder by Lisa Copen of Rest Ministries, that we are never "overlooked" or insignificant to God. Take a moment to read it and be encouraged today. :)

...Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow...
- Matthew 6:28

Weekend to Remember Discount

Rick and I were blessed to attend a Family Life Weekend to Remember last spring. To say it was a worthwhile weekend is such an understatement, but I can say that if you have an opportunity to attend one, please do what it takes to make it happen.

I know the economy is tight and it's tempting to see the price tag (registration is $129 per person, $258/couple, not including lodging) and immediately decide it can't be done. But before you give up so easily, I would like to challenge you to take this opportunity to the Lord in prayer and see what doors He might open. Yes, the weekend is an investment, but one that you will look back on as a marriage landmark for many years to come and worth the sacrifices it may cost you to get there!

Because we believe so passionately in this ministry, Rick and I have signed up to lead a "group" and can offer an $80 discount (making registration $178 per couple) to anyone who registers for a conference using our group page at http://www.familylife.com/groups/saake or by simply using the group name "Saake" as your discount code when you register from the main Family Life website.

But wait, it gets better! Yes, said in my best infomercial voice. ;) From January 4-18, 2010, when you register at the regular rate of $129 for one of you, you spouse comes free! Simply register for any upcoming Spring or Fall Weekend to Remember using the promotion code "INVITE" and go for half price, only $129 for the two of you! Please spread the news. This weekend truly might improve or even save your marriage and/or the relationship of someone you encourage to attend.

If you are facing infertility or are currently grieving the death of a child, please visit my InfertilityMom blog and read the final two paragraphs of the Family Life post there for a special review from the perspective of fertility challenges.

You Are God's Masterpiece, So am I

I've run across this video from two different sources within just a few hours. Makes me think God might want me to share it here with you too. :) Takes about 9 minutes to watch, but well worth the time!



My favorite line, "But God I've let you down so many times."
God's reply, "No! I was holding you up!"

Will You Help Me Dance? (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome)

I've lived with a serious, disabling and chronic neuro immune illness called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) for the past 19 years. This illness goes by many names including Post-Infectious Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS), Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS) and in the past was known as chronic Epstein-Barr virus (CEBV). You can find out more and learn the answers to questions such as, "What is ME/CFS?" or "Is it contagious?" by visiting the FAQs at the Whittemore Peterson Institute's website.

The Whittemore Peterson Institute is working hard to find both the root cause, as well as a potential cure, for CFS. They are a wonderful, compassionate group of researchers who have given me more hope in the fight against this illness than I have ever had. To help them keep moving forward, I would love to be able to purchase two tickets to their fundraising event, I Hope You Dance, on Sept. 12, 2009. I cannot afford these tickets on my own, but am asking my friends to consider chipping in to help me out.



Fundraiser tickets are $250 each. I would love to be able to purchase two, one for myself and one for my husband, so that we can attend this event and learn more about the ongoing strides at WPI. I'm asking you to consider helping me earn my way this benefit with your donation of even a dollar or two. For each person who helps me out with $5 or more, I will enter your name/email into a drawing for $30 in free products from Affordable Mineral Makeup™. If you can send me $10 or more, I will enter your name/email in a drawing for a Flower Bead Set necklace and bracelet from Gurrlie Girl ($68 value; or you may specify that you would prefer 2 entries into the makeup give-away if you would prefer). Any gift of $20 or more will get you entered into both drawings!

Whatever I can collect from this little drive will be donated to the Whittemore Peterson Institute even if I don't reach my ticket purchase goal, so ever little bit helps!!! Today it's a struggle even to walk, sometimes I'm in a wheelchair or simply in bed. Riding a bike just to the end of my block is no longer an option. Swimming is too much for me. Climbing a flight of stairs is overwhelming and leaves me breathless, wobbly and in pain. But I have hope that someday I will have a body that functions as it should again, and then I will be able to dance! Will you help me?

September Highlights

I'm very excited about the posts coming to Hope Harvesters™ over the next month! Soon I'll be sharing an article on Coping with Crisis on top of Chronic, offering ideas on dealing with the highs and lows of life while living with illness. This will be a little preview of the radio conversation I'll be having as a guest of Lisa Copen on Sept. 15 as part of the 20-speaker Virtual Conference for National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. You will also get to know a little more about Lisa and NICIAW here when I interview Lisa next Tuesday and can get a feel for what this conference will be all about by reading this short poem, You Don't Look Sick.
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Edited to add Sept. 15 radio interview link :)



In addition to our focus on surviving and thriving through illness, I am thrilled to be able to be a part of a special new movement called (In)Courage. (In)Courage is described as being "a bit like a beach house where you can put your sandy, dirty feet on the coffee table, help yourself to whatever's in the fridge, laugh late into the night with friends, and hear God's voice more clearly than perhaps anywhere else." It's a group of women coming together to share our messy, broken, imperfect lives as we strive together to offer all we are to the glory of God.

(In)Courage launched earlier this month and had about 20,000 visitors in their very first week of posts on the topic of "courage". Next month's theme of "hope" is near and dear to my heart and I look forward not only to sharing my own reflections about Hope in the Shadows on Sept. 19, but am eager to soak in all the wisdom from other real and godly women who will be guest blogging on the topic all month long.

Cardboard Cricket Surprise!

There are good surprises in life and there are surprises of the not so great kind. Last month I experienced both kinds within 36-hours.

The first surprise might best be described as a “blindside.” I ran across a friend I hadn’t seen in a few weeks and apologized for missing a recent party in her honor. When I made mention of the fact that I had really wanted to be there but was flat in bed at that point, unable to even care for my own children for nearly 2 weeks, she launched into a lecture about how my illness was not of God, that it wasn’t His will for my life and that we needed to stand in faith that I will be fully healed of all remnants of health struggles.

Those words alone weren’t so blindsiding. I’ve had similar conversations with others before, and can truly appreciate the sincerity with which they are spoken and the compassion or conviction from which they stem. What made this conversation different was that it really wasn’t a “conversation” at all, but rather a five-minute monolog, giving me very little chance to respond or interject any other opinions or alternative points of view. While I have had multiple opportunities to hash through my beliefs on faith and healing over the past two decades, I was given no voice and was left feeling judged and rejected (though I do not believe that was her intent). By the time I found reason to politely excuse myself, I had resorted to simply nodding my head in dumfounded disillusionment, knowing that every time I opened my mouth I would be cut off or undermined anyway.

While I’ve lived at peace with God’s plan for my life for many years, this encounter shook me! I couldn’t get to sleep that night without talking it through with my husband and once again offering it all up the Lord in prayer. I had to start back at square one with questions like, “If I’ve asked God to heal me and He hasn’t, is my faith lacking? Is this proof that I’m ‘double minded’ because maybe I haven’t ‘prayed believing’ enough?”

I wrestled with the Lord for the next day and night as well. “Father, show me if I should be taking more aggressive steps in trusting You or claiming and applying specific passages on healing to my life. I believe you can heal me, but I also believe You have shown me this isn’t Your plan right now. If this isn’t Your plan, I have to believe that this illness is ‘of You,’ or at the very least ‘allowed by You’ as part of Your best plan for my life. But if I’ve got it wrong and You want a change in my attitude, please show me how faith fits into this whole picture? I don’t want to reject any good and perfect gift You have for me, be it illness or healing, but I’m so confused and hurt right now.”

My second surprise came as I was snuggling my sweet 6-year-old early the next morning. The book we were reading is supposed to have sound effects of a cricket chirping merrily on the final page, but it has never worked in the 3+ years we have had it, though we bought it new, have changed the batteries and done everything in our power to make the book work as it was designed. I’m not sure why we never returned it to the store, but we have become content to read the printed words and not expect any sound effects or to have fun making up our own effects as we go.

Even as I read stories to her, the battle ranged on in my heart and the back of my mind. And then God spoke, in His still, small, calming voice, through the words of my daughter and her simple act of pure, childlike faith. “Mommy, I want to pray that God will make my book work.” While I remained calm in my reply to her, my heart thudded within me. “Lord, I’m struggling with understanding Your heart in miracles right now. Please give me wisdom in answering my tender little girl and please make Yourself real to her even in this simple request.”

“Well honey, we can certainly ask Jesus to fix your book. And we know He is God and He can do it if He chooses, right? We know He performs miracles when He has a purpose in them, like when He brought the plagues on Egypt to bring the Israelites out of slavery. But we also have to remember that God is allowed to say no and we can’t get mad at Him if He doesn’t answer our prayers the way we want Him to. Sometimes God saves His miracles for really special, big things so that we know that it was only Him that could do them.”

“That’s fine Mommy. I understand. But I still want to pray!” And so we bowed our heads and she presented a heartfelt prayer about knowing God’s in control and asking God to help Mommy find just the right kind of batteries at WalMart so her cricket could chirp. She never even asked God to actually fix the book but simply thanked Him for it and closed with a peaceful “Amen.” Then she opened her book and it immediately started chirping, loudly!

“See Mommy, God fixed it!” Oh to have the faith of a child! Yes, God did save His miracle for a “special, big thing” – maybe to my daughter only a small stepping-stone to look back on as He builds the foundation of her faith. But to my hurting heart, a mighty and significant and healing balm! Yes, He still hears prayer. Yes, He’s still in the business of healing broken things (even cardboard cricket books). And yes, simple, childlike faith is all that’s required to receive His good gifts.

I was overcome with a wave of peace unlike anything I had known in the prior 36 hours of struggle. In that moment He met me with such deep assurance that no, my faith is not lacking because I have not been healed. He knows the number of hairs on my head. He sees when every sparrow falls. And he even cares about cardboard crickets and childlike hearts. So I can accept that, at least for this season, His answer to my prayer for healing has simply been “no” and that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been answered.

In the end I’m back at Jesus’ question to the sick man by the Sheep Gate pool in John 5, “Do you want to get well?” I cry out, “Yes Lord, you know I want to be well!” Yet this truth, that I do want health and would readily and joyfully accept such a gift from the Lord in an instant should He choose to heal me, is tempered by the understanding that of all those people waiting by the pool, for some purpose known only to Him, Jesus chose to heal only one that day.

So rather than demanding a miracle (and throwing a fit that He’s not doing things my way) from the one who has already given more than I deserve by ransoming my life with the blood of His Son, I must humbly add, “Lord, not my will, but Yours be done.” I do not have to question why I wasn’t the “one” He planned for healing, but rather trust that God has some purpose in my pain, some reason to allow illness to remain in my body until the day He gives me a glorified one in Heaven. If He receives any measure of glory through my broken vessel, then praise the Lord! While I am ready for healing, I am also willing to continue trusting Him and depending on Him day-by-day if physical healing is not His perfect plan for my life.

Surprises come in all shapes and sizes, sometimes blindsiding, sometimes shockingly joyfully. I’m thankful for both kinds He brought into my life last month because they each challenged me to assure that I was not living in complacency. I had become “comfortable” with my illness again, and while I do feel God has a purpose in my pain, it’s good to be shaken up and look at faith from a fresh perspective from time to time. Though the deep probing of my heart was painful, I am thankful for the chance to be reaffirmed in my position of trust in God’s plan. And a cricket’s chirping, be it real or electronic, will forever more be a beautiful reminder to me of God’s surprises!

When All is Stripped Away

The following blog entry was first written last April for my Inner Beauty Girlz blog. If you are struggling with things you wish you could accomplish but running up against limitations, I pray that it will be a blessing to you today. I thought to repost it because I have been feeling much of the same discouragement lately and after reading The Crippled Lamb to my daughter as I tucked her in for bed tonight, I was once again encouraged. That story never fails to uplift me!

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Sitting in church a couple of weeks ago I was simply too tired to stand for the singing time. This isn't at all uncommon - I sit through music time more often than I'm able to stand. (There were years when I rarely could leave the house to attend church at all, so just being able to be there is HUGE!) But as I am sitting I am usually singing and Signing (Sign Language) and stiving to give my whole heart over to worship.

Unfortunately, I started having asthma attacks about 3 years ago and I've found singing to be a frequent trigger. So on weeks when I can't sing either, I grab my inhailer, stop the asthma attack in its tracks, and consentrate on joining in musical worship through Sign. Recently I've found my arms to "heavy" and the pain too instense even to Sign consistantly. So a couple of weeks ago I sat there in church feeling very dejected and asking the Lord what I had left to give. How I could participate in corporate worship when I had nothing left to offer, no strenght to stand, no breath to sing, no ability to even lift my hands in praise?

Though not the song being sung that morning, He immediately reminded me of the words of Matt Redman's song, "The Heart of Worship" (view on uTube link below). A few of the lines are:

When the music fades, all is stripped away, and I simply come
Longing just to bring something that’s of worth that will bless your heart...
I’m coming back to the heart of worship, and it’s all about You, Jesus...

What a great reminder that everything else is external (physical strength, the gifts of voice and hands, every breath I draw) but true worship, like true beauty, is internal. When everything else is stripped away, I am still of worth, I can still be whole, because of who Jesus Christ is. He is worthy of all I am, all I have to offer, even when my offerings are meager.

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17 (NIV)

If you or someone you love is struggling with health issues, check out Rest Ministries, a wonderful organization providing support and encourgement in the face of any and every kind of chronic health challenge. This group was started by a friend of mine and has grown into an international ministry offering local support group chapters, a print magazine and many forms of online support including daily email devotionals, message bords and much more.



(If you are reading this via email and can't view the video, be sure to drop by the Hope Harvesters™ Blog to see this beautiful video for yourself.)


"My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."
- Psalm 73:26 (New International Version)

Have you been helped through counseling?

I received the following request through a dear friend of mine, Lisa Copen (Director of Rest Ministries, Editor of HopeKeepers Magazine and Founder/Coordnator of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week). I do not know anything about the author, but this project sound very helpful

Lucille Zimmerman is seeking story submissions. She writes, "Are you a Christian who relied on faith and prayer, only to find great healing at a later point, through counseling. I am writing a book - a plea for Christians to recognize clinical counseling as a beneficial tool, in addition to faith and prayer - looking for people to share their stories anonymously." Please contact Lucille directly at Luzimmcm@aol.com
Deadline: 8:00 AM MOUNTAIN - August 30