Lessons from a Rose Garden

Edited to add a picture I drew, based on this post, as part of my stroke recovery therapy process.

This weekend, I posted a long update on my  stoke recovery blog, Stroke of Grace.  I wanted to share a portion of that post with you here, because, while not a topic directly addressed in my upcoming book, it will give you a taste of the "flavor" you might expect to find behind the devotionals in Harvesting Hope from Heartache:

God decided yesterday's gardening hours were a great living object lesson time. I had one really huge, really wild and overgrown, totally healthy [rose] bush. This spring it has gone crazy, throwing out lush stalks several feet long in all directions. It looked so vibrant, it seemed a shame to prune it at all, but it had grown so intently that it totally blocked a walkway between it and the next bush. I could find very little to prune for the health of the plant, but knew the only way to both reclaim my pathway and to encourage voluminous blooming of the whole plant later this spring, would be to bring the unshapen plant under the harsh cuts of the pruning sheers while the sprouts were young and pliable today.

After clearing out a very few branches in need of pruning, I took some well-planning, but perhaps seeming brutal whacks at the path side of that plant, adding dozens of feet of long, strong, beautiful, thriving branches to my discard pile, taking that side of the plant down by half or more in size.

June, 2013: end result of pruning!

I told God that it seemed amazing that rather than shocking the plant to death, I knew my actions were simply to bring around more intentional design and purpose, resulting in a more pleasing and fruitful bush. The more pruned, the more plentiful the expected flowering later this spring and summer.  He replied to my heart, "This is what I am doing in you!"

Once I had that first side molded to my design again, it occurred to me that now the plant looked pathetically out of balance, lopsided, so I continued hacking my way around the whole bush until it was beautifully rounded, but only a shadow of the lush plant I had started with. Still, I am confident that in a month or two, the pain I inflicted today will result in a multitude of glorious blossoms in my healthy, well-grounded bush that no longer risks uprooting in our violent wind storms, like the tumble weeds that roll down the street, much too substantial in size for their relatively tiny root structures to hold them fast in place.

The more I thought about it, God seemed to explain that my life was much like that rose bush, wild and thriving and chasing after every opportunity to stretch and send out exploring fronds. It took ten years of infertility, losses, and decades of chronic illness to begin to tame me, but while I didn't enjoy the pruning process in the least, it was necessary so that my vigor for life didn't lead me so far out of God's intended design that I couldn't accomplish the purpose He intended me to fulfill. It wasn't that those passions were unhealthy or unwise, but the abundance and scattered directions threaten to leave my roots unstable, thus becoming undesirable in their very abundance.

 

 Once that first season of pruning was brought toward conclusion, I had one area of my life mostly trained into obedience, but that seemed to make the rest of all my wild longing more prominent. I see the additional shaping of this strong, healthy plant as my strokes, the ongoing recovery journey toward recovery, and our private family battles. I have been left shattered, violently pruned under the often seemingly unkind hand of the Master Gardener, but he knows that the only way to refocus my many thriving branches (abundance of gifts I had been blessed with, such as a signing voice, playing my flute, the ability to gracefully communicate with both hands via Sign Language, physical beauty, artistic expression through a variety of crafts and mediums I can no longer physically manage, the abundance of home-based business I have tried my hands at over this past decade, even the continued homeschooling of my children, and so much more I haven't even had time to identify yet) is to remove all that fall outside His intent for my life, to not leave me all those opportunities for "chasing after the wind," but bring me down to the bare essentials and start the training process anew (if I had to guess today, I think the critical areas God would have me focus on now would be family, home, health recovery, and writing that may eventually lead to public speaking) so that I may eventually harness that untamed enthusiasm and bring forth a bountiful harvest under His intended plan. I get it, more clearly than I ever have, God. 

Jennifer Saake, last professional picture taken pre-stroke, October, 2010.

The Battle Belongs to the Lord!

I just shared several significant challenges and the spiritual warfare that seems to be tied to the finishing up of this manuscript, over on the Stroke of Grace website. If you are praying with me concerning this project, please read http://strokeofgrace.blogspot.com/2013/03/boots.html !

Through the Valley

Today I'm sharing two more windows into my past on the Hannah's Hope book blog (my struggle with depression) and on Held (God's grace to carry me through that dark valley).


If you or someone you love if caught in a similar struggle, these resources might help.

Suicide Prevention:

U.S. Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1-800-SUICIDE

International Suicide Prevention Listings - http://www.befrienders.org


General Depression Resources:

My Story, as posted here at Harvesting Hope last year.

Depression is Not a Sin (Focus on the Family)

Just Breathe (in)Courage

Common Cold of Emotional Illnesses

Women and Depression

Mental Health


Depression After Pregnancy Loss:

Is Miscarriage Supposed to be This Hard? (Focus on the Family)

Out of the Valley Post-Partum (Including Post-Miscarriage) Hope

Where Can I Find Support?

My desire for Hope Harvesters™ is to offer resources and support that shower my readers with Christ's comfort in the face of life's deepest heartaches and losses. Every now and then I try to post reviews for new readers so you know where to turn for various kinds of support.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
- 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

If you are hurting, you are not alone. If your need isn't addressed here, please let me know what other kinds of resources you would like me to address in the future. Please follow these links (you will have to scroll down past today's post to find additional posts for each tag) for:

Cancer (The entire list of posts that will pull up from this tag are helpful, but the Nov. 11, 2009 post may be your best starting point.)

Chronic Illness

Depression

Grief

Infertility

My blog for Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage & Adoption Loss has recently been relaunched at www.HannahsHopeBook.blogspot.com offering support for a full range of fertility challenges.

InfertilityMom is my "most personal blog" sharing thoughts from basically every aspect of my life, ranging from being an after-infertility mom to writing, living with chronic illness, and homeschooling.

Given Me a Thorn is one of my newer ventures, a place to talk about my current writing on the life of Paul and living victoriously through chronic pain/illness. I don't know what my publisher will select as the finished title of this book, but my working title is "Given a Thorn" thus the blog reflects this concept. Here I include a few prayer requests, updates, and devotional links on Paul or illness such as the one I posted today. Obviously I hope to be much more active there as the book draws closer to publication.

InnerBeautyGirlz isn't really a "support" blog, but I pray it is a place where you will be uplifted. It is a cross between promotional posts for the companies I represent as a consultant (mineral makeup, Christian jewelry) and inspirational/devotional posts about beauty. It is my desire to have at least half of the posts be from the inspirational side, but I sometimes go through stages where I'm just too exhausted to keep up fresh content, so I will forewarn you that sometimes it's more heavily weighted toward only sale, discount codes and product promotion than I would like. It is my "fun" outlet and I really do enjoying sharing God's perspective on living in beauty for Him.

Free CD

Joni and Friends is offering a free CD featuring five songs sung by Joni: "The God I Love," "Praise My Soul," "Sometimes," "Joni's Waltz," and "May I Borrow Your Hands?," a duet with her husband, Ken. There is an opportunity for you to make a donation to Joni and Friends when you place your order, but it truly is a free, no-strings-attached offer that I pray will encourage you when you head over and request you copy.

Living With Chronic Pain

I've shared many portions of my story here in the past. Today I shared more details about both my struggle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and our a bit of the background of our infertility journey over on my InfertilityMom blog.

Do you live with chronic pain? Please share your story. How may I pray for you?

Or maybe your pain isn't physical, but that of a heart crushed by grief instead? If you are a parent (or know one) who has lost a child, please visit my Heaven Born links for several healing give-aways today.

Side Effects May Cause Laughter

We've been talking about the very important issue of depression recently. For a change of pace, today I thought it was high time to look at the lighthearted side of living with chronic illness. Enjoy this 6 minute clip from my sweet friend, Lisa Copen. :)

When Pregnancy (or Lack of) Brings Depression

This week I shared my own journey through depression, sometimes related to chronic illness, other times to infertility or miscarriage, and most recently in the wake of pregnancy and for two years post-partum. Today I want to specifically share a resource for post-partum depression or PPD.

Living Beyond Postparutm Depression: Help and Hope for the Hurting Mom and Those Around Her by Jerusha Clark is a fantastic read for anyone considering trying to conceive. Hopefully you will never need the information there, but it is a good tool to have available and information to be aware of even prior to conception - I truly wish I had known about it before we miscarried Noel or before our living daughter's pregnancy/birth as I think I would have been armed with the information I needed to seek help and prevent much heartache.

One thing I greatly appreciate about Jerusha's book was that even though she herself has not faced infertility or pregnancy loss, she does acknowledge both issues, providing facts that are often overlooked in many PPD resources. While she does not address these issues in depth, she shares that, "PPD can afflict women after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or abortion." She also sites sources to explain that because of "exposure to artificial hormones and psychological stressors" that women undergoing infertility treatment "are at a high risk for developing depression. Approximately 25 to 30 percent of women undergoing treatment for fertility are clinically depressed before becoming pregnant and PPD affects a great number of these women after delivery." These were issues I had long-observed but never seen medically verified, so it was refreshing to find these references in this book.

If you are currently experiencing PPD, I would actually suggest that you ask a loved one (husband, supportive mother, best friend) to read Living Beyond for or with you. Knowing my own personality, I must be honest and say that if I had read it during PPD, because I was in the functional mild-moderate range of illness, while I would have gleaned much helpful information, some portions of the book might have added to my weight of guilt/concern. I do not say this because anything presented us untrue, invalid or even unkind, but because the book is very honest about the burden PPD places on family members and I tend to be guilt-driven very easily, even when in a healthy frame of mind. Likewise, had I read it after miscarriage I think I could have gained a lot of healing encouragement, but would also have found the passages about mothering a newborn quite hard to bear.

Having said all that, Living Beyond is still the most extensive and helpful resource I've found for understanding all the various facets and kinds of depression and what can be successfully done to help properly treat the condition. And I definitely need to note that while PPD refers to depression that comes post-pregnancy, many of the principles there are equally applicable to any form of depression, even those not related to the physical/hormonal shifts of pregnancy, so I would consider this book valuable reading for all women and married couples along with the husbands (Especially!!!), fathers, brothers, pastors or other men in positions to support women through this journey.

Note of disclaimer:
I received no financial compensation for this post, however I did receive a free review copy of Living Beyond Postpartum Depression from the publisher, NavPress. This review is fully my personal opinion and was not reviewed by the book author nor publisher prior to publication.

Thorns, Weeds, Give-away and Hope

Dealing with infertility, pregnancy loss or adoption struggles or know someone who is? I came across a give-away for my book, Hannah's Hope, on the Life {Sweet} Life blog today, open through April 1! The blog author, Sarah, is currently pregnant, but has a heart for those still walking the road of infertility.

Sarah's also got some great things to say about FamilyLife Weekend to Remember. Read my review here or between April 5-26, 2010, register for any upcoming Spring or Fall Weekend to Remember using the promotion code "INVITE" and go for 1/2 price, only $129/couple!

I'm still praying my way through the life of Paul, thus giving a lot of thought to thorns and weeds. Today's post at (in)Courage, Ellie and the Weeds is a sweet reminder to let God be our gardener. (To my infertility/loss friends, the article is built sweet conversations between a mother and her 3-year-old, but this mother has also suffered infant death if this knowledge makes the sweet exchange more readable for you).

I would like to ask your specific prayers for protection over me and for my family as I venture deeper into my Paul writing. I'm starting to see signs that satan's not happy with what God's wanting to accomplish through this book and he's trying to attack us, invading my dreams with ugly images, taking reign over my tongue in ugly words that tear down my loving husband, and bringing a spirit of disorder and discord into our home. In a way I'm thankful for these attacks only because they affirm that I must be on the right track if the old snake would take the time to try to sideline us, but I also know God longs for us to come running to Him with our fears and frustrations, and so I ask you to join me prayer for God to be glorified in and through our family in a time of spiritual warfare.

Would you pray with me that the Lord will keep us steadfast in Him and bring joy and harmony to our home as He speaks truth to me and helps me to rightly divide His Word to share with hearts broken through chronic physical pain and illness? If you would like to join me as a prayer partner for this newest writing project, please leave me a note here or email me at jsaake AT yahoo DOT com and I'll send you periodic prayer updates as the book project continues to unfold. Thank you!

Tell Me Your Story

I started this blog, like all new blogs, with no "followers" yet. I had ideas of the topics I wanted to address and prayed that some of those posts would in some small way minister to any who found them. But what I didn't yet have was YOU!

Now that Hope Harvesters™ has been around for a while and you have found your way here, I need to hear from you what you would like to receive from this blog. Please take a moment and post a reply. It doesn't have to be long or elegant, but I would love to know something about you.

I would love to hear about the trials and triumphs of your life. What makes your heart sing? What burdens I can help carry and issues I can address that will be of meaning to you? Maybe you can tell me how you found this blog or what brings you back again?

Won't you please, tell me your story...

"Generation after generation stands in awe of your work; each one tells stories of your mighty acts."
- Psalm 145:4 (MSG)

"All Jesus did that day was tell stories—a long storytelling afternoon. His storytelling fulfilled the prophecy: I will open my mouth and tell stories; I will bring out into the open things hidden since the world's first day."
- Matthew 13:34 (MSG)

Prayer for Contentment

This is another day, O Lord. I know not what it will bring forth, but make me ready, Lord, for whatever it may be. If I am to stand up, help me to stand bravely. If I am to sit still, help me to sit quietly. If I am to lie low, help me to do it patiently. And if I am to do nothing, let me do it gallantly. Make these words more than words, and give me the Spirit of Jesus. Amen.

- from The Book of Common Prayer

Hope in Your Jeans?

Rather make that Genes. Well, actually, both!

I'm talking about The Global Genes Project World Rare Disease Day on Feb. 28. From their website, "Imagine lawyers in courtrooms, business executives in boardrooms, state legislators and others from all walks of life wearing jeans the week before or Friday before World Rare Disease Day – all to show their support for those affected by rare disease worldwide. www.rarediseaseday.us."

My first real introduction to rare diseases was in the early 1990s through Hannah's Prayer Ministries where I met many amazing families, some struggling to grow their families yet facing infertility due to the rare conditions faced by the husband or wife, others crushed under the grief that comes to parents whose children are diagnosed with rare, life-threatening (often "incompatible with life") diseases. At that point the only resource I knew to share with families were National Organization for Rare Disorders (NORD) and NATHHAN National Challenged Homeschoolers Associated Network.

Little did I know then how personally Rare Diseases would eventually touch our home. When our daughter was two we endured many stressful and frightening months as she was being evaluated for a specific form of dwarfism with many accompanying complications (something that's never fully been "ruled out" but because her growth has improved dramatically, investigation was eventually put on hold unless/until we have additional reason for concern). Then five months ago we learned of my XMRV diagnosis, a retrovirus that may turn out to be very wide-spread but currently has only been diagnosed in a few hundred cases because the testing is so new. I've lived with it for at least 19 years, possibly much longer, but doctors are just beginning to learn anything about my condition and still have no idea how to manage my care.

If you have a illness that "no one has heard of" it used to be that you might go your whole lifetime without ever connecting with someone else who knew your struggles personally. Now the internet makes it possible to find so much information (sometimes "too much" information!) and support communities abound. In honor of World Rare Disease Day, I want to point to the personal websites of a couple of families I regularly pray for, even as I'm inspired by their perseverance under trying times:

Heather (you might know her as "Especially Heather") is an amazing woman who has gone through more than seems fair for any one lifetime, yet her smile continues to shine for Jesus. Her story includes brain cancer and the removal of a tumor "the size of a nine iron" in 2007. But it's her daughter Emma's story that I want to point out today. This little girl was written off by the medical community before she was ever born but proved them all wrong with a lusty cry upon birth in 2001. She had a heart/lung transplant at just 5 months of age, has both Complex 1 and Complex 3 Mitochondrial Myopathy, is autistic, and is now waiting for a second heart transplant due to Transplant Related Coronary Artery Disease. As of this week, Emma was back in ICU running a fever of unknown origin and could use our prayers!

While we have yet to meet in person, though I've talked with their mother by phone and facebook and know their cousin well, Addi and Cassi Hemple are a couple of local girls who I've mentioned in the past. Living here in Reno, these 5-year-old twins who suffer from Niemann Pick Type C disease (childhood Alzheimer's) hold an especially tender spot in my heart.

I'm running out of time and energy to post other stories right now, but I couldn't close this short list of stories without mentioning the wonderful folks at the Whittemore Peterson Institute who are working nearly around the clock to find answers about XMRV for those like me who have already been identified and the potentially thousands or even tens of thousands (thus no longer making it "rare"!) more who are waiting for answers! Won't you please join me in wearing your jeans to show your hope in finding answers in genes???

What does wearing jeans stand for?

In the United States, a disease is considered rare if it affects fewer than 200,000 Americans. According to statistics from the National Institute of Health (NIH), there are thought to be nearly 7,000 life-threatening and heavily debilitating conditions affecting nearly 30 million Americans (1 in 10 people or 10% of the population). Despite the infrequency of each rare disease, the total number of rare disease patients in the United States is equivalent to the total populations of New York and New Jersey combined.

In the European Union's 27 member states, it is estimated that rare disease patients make up between 6% and 8% of the total EU population, or between 27 and 36 million people. This is equivalent to the total combined populations of the Netherlands, Belgium and Luxembourg.

Beyond the US and EU, few reliable rare disease statistics exist for other countries. Some alarming statistics that are currently available include:

* More than half of the 30 million patients in the United States affected with rare disease are children
* Approximately 15 million Americans have rare diseases for which there still is no approved treatments and no research in progress
* Approximately 80% of rare diseases are attributed to genetic defects, many which are untreatable and life-threatening
* In the 25 years since the Orphan Drug Act of 1983 was signed into federal law, the FDA has only approved approximately 350 treatments for all rare diseases combined

Are you or someone you love impacted by rare disease? I would be honored to pray for you if you would please share your story in the comments section here. I'm always thrilled to find new links to personal stories and support sites/organizations as well, so please tell me about the resources that have most helped you!

Thin Places

Mary DeMuth recently sent me a copy of her new book, Thin Places. I knew it was a memoir, but beyond that really had no idea what to expect. So far I've only been able to steal away enough moments to read the introduction and already I'm enthralled. Mary describes thin places as "those times where the division between this world and the eternal fades; snatches of holy ground, tucked into the corners of our world, where we might just catch a glimpse of eternity." Check back here in the coming weeks (or maybe months - I'm a very slow reader) as I'm sure I'll have more to share about the book later.

In the meantime, I received an interesting invitation this week, asking me to share with you my own "thin place" story, a time when God burst through my life to remind me of His presence or reassure me of His reality. The story was to be exactly 259 words long. If you know my writing, you probably know that limited word counts are the hardest writing challenges for me!

Why such a specific word count? This is the retail price of a new Kindle, the contest prize for the winning essay submitted. Please join me for your chance to win a Kindle by sharing your thin place story too! (Head on over to http://www.blogtourspot.com/2010/02/thin-places-blog-tour/ for details.)

This story describing my journey in the spring/summer of 1994, started out at over 500 words. Even then I felt like I was leaving out important details, but I finally got it down to the exact 259. So here we go...

“I should drive across the median. I've failed at everything. They would be better off without me.” These mocking thoughts no longer frightened me.

My health failed first. I dropped out of school. Our business tottered on the bring of bankruptcy. Yet none of these were my greatest disappointment.

Two years of yearning for the fulfillment of dreams I had carried since my earliest memories left me disillusioned. “Lord, we are serving you in every way we know how. Don't you promise the desires of our hearts?”

I flung my Bible across the room. Remorseful, I ran to find it open to 1 Samuel.

“Not funny, Lord!” I hated Hannah's story. How could He put her through years of waiting, only to bless her with a child, then take back the thing she most longed for?

I sat down to read it again, to prove to God how cruel He was. What, God never demanded Samuel of Hannah? She gave him of her own free will?

Heaven broke through the hardness of my heart, not with an audible voice, yet with words that rang loud and true, “My child, you cannot treat me according to the gifts I choose to give or withhold. I AM worthy!”

I offered works in hopes of blessing. He wanted praise for the sake of love.

We lost our business. I never earned my degree. It was five more years before we held a living miracle in our arms. But I never fantasized about driving my car into another again.

Do You Want to Celebrate?

Ministry.
Servanthood.
What My Friends/Church Did Right...

All of these seemed possible titles for this post, but "celebration" seems most fitting.

I was sitting alone in the back row at church yesterday. I had made it, but just. I came in using my wheelchair as a walker, thankful to have gotten out the door with three kids while hubby was out of town, but wondering what I was doing there. I had forgotten my Bible, and my glasses, and was so exhausted I wondered if I could stay sitting upright through the sermon.

The service began to draw to its conclusion and members of the Family were invited to slip quietly to the back and enjoy communion during the worship music. I was physically close the communion area and wanted to go, but just didn't have it in me, didn't want to invite attention with my chair, couldn't find the strength.

And then a gentle tap on my shoulder. A whispered invitation, "Do you want to celebrate communion? May I bring you the elements?"

It may have been a small act on his part, but to me it was huge. My eyes instantly welled with tears. God sees. He knows. He cares. And He prompts others to take the risk to be His hands and feet when my own are too weak.

Thank you, Father, for the invitation to celebrate You!

Prescription of Hope

I'm struggling today. My heart hurts. I am overwhelemed.

I needed this reminder today from Heather at Prescription of Hope: Be Strong. Be Courageous. Heather, thanks for taking a moment to remind me where my hope comes from. :)

"Now may God, the source of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" Romans 15:13 (NIV).

Hope in the Shadows

Have you ever heard someone describe a time of trial as, “living under the shadow of [xyz]”? My shadows have included infertility, grief, depression, chronic illness and more. I'm sure you can plug in your own "xyz"s; maybe cancer, abuse, loneliness…

Job and the Psalmist talk of “the valley of the shadow of death.” Shadows impress a dark picture of gloom and heaviness in my mind.

Hope demands I give shadows another look... [To read the remainder of this article, please visit (In)Courage where you can also enter to win a copy of my book, Hannah's Hope.]


Keep scrolling here for a great list of verses that reflect God's sheltering shadows in my life.

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One way God seems to work in my life is through “theme word seasons,” specific life lessons He wants to drive home with me and situations that bring those themes to light over and over until I finally begin to grasp a small portion of what He longs to teach me. Wait resounded in our hearts through the loss of our business and the struggle for my husband to find a new career that truly fit, all in the midst of infertility's endless cycles of hoping and hurting, wanting and worrying, coping and crying.

Waiting has given way to new horizons, a series of theme seasons too numerous to list here, but with one of the most recent being Hope. And then to Hope, God’s spent this year adding the active pursuit of Joy to my life as well. Here are some of my favorite resources from these three themes:

Wait:
- Hannah’s Prayer Ministries offers support through fertility challenges, including infertility or the death of a baby at any time from conception through early infancy.
- A Graceful Waiting by Jan Frank
- The Wait Poem by Russell Kelfer (Truly beautiful book, with a written message even more powerful than the photos! This poem was life-changing for me and has been impactful in many lives.)

Hope:
- Out of the Valley Ministries, Inc. Postpartum Depression Support
- Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg
- Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss by me, Jennifer Saake :)

Joy:
- Rest Ministries provides support in the face of chronic pain and illness, including National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week each Sept.
- Rain on Me: Devotions of Hope and Encouragement for Difficult Times by Holley Gerth
- The book of Philippians, written by the apostle Paul.
- And a late entry to my list, a blog post I just read this week about trusting God with others' hurts, Gratitude not Guilt

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies” Philippians 4:8-9. (MSG)

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Verses that reflect God's sheltering shadows in my life:

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” James 1:17. (NIV)

“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Isaiah 45:3. (NIV)

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned” Isaiah 9:2. (NIV)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" Isaiah 40:31. (NIV)

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me" Micah 7:7. (NIV)

"We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield" Psalm 33:20. (NIV)

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God..." Psalm 40:1-2, (NIV)

“I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of his wrath.
He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light…

“He has besieged me and surrounded me with bitterness and hardship.
He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead…

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness…

“For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love…

“You came near when I called you, and you said, ‘Do not fear.’
O Lord, you took up my case; you redeemed my life…”
- from Lamentations 3 (NIV)

You Are God's Masterpiece, So am I

I've run across this video from two different sources within just a few hours. Makes me think God might want me to share it here with you too. :) Takes about 9 minutes to watch, but well worth the time!



My favorite line, "But God I've let you down so many times."
God's reply, "No! I was holding you up!"

How protective are you of your medical information?

I struggle with how much of my story to share. With infertility I was ultra-transparent. With other chronic illness, I don't feel quite so inclined to spill "the good, the bad and the ugly," at least not all the time. I'm a huge believer in peer support, that it is critically important to the mental and emotional well-being of someone living with chronic pain/illness to know we are not alone. And how will we connect if we aren't open about the issues?
And yet there's just something daunting about having my medical history plastered all over the internet. Some days I feel very open and "tell all" while other days I worry about the reality that once something is posted on the internet, there's really no "taking it back," or realing in the potential long-term impact of revealing the reality of my struggles.
I know I post more than most, and usually I'm OK with that, but other days I stop and wonder if being so transparent is really the wisest of ideas? I certainly hold back more than I share because of that nagging sence of the unknown impact of the internet. Today's a day I feel overwhelmed and want to just spill it all out, but do I really want my great=grandchildren (or yours?) being able to access today's struggles generations from now? I just don't know! *sigh* Maybe I'll create a password protected blog where I can share all, yet not allow universal access to my thoughts???
How about you? Are you a tell-all kind of guy/gal when it comes to your health, or do you guard your information as private? I really can see both sides of the fence!

P.S. I'm on day 4 of a migraine I thought was resolving yesterday but was back with a vengance at 4am. I'm fighting for everything I'm worth to keep from throwing up because I'm afraid that once that part starts, it won't stop easily! (I've been continually nausious for about 5 weeks now with ongoing digestive issues, but this is a new migraine-related layer of nausia on top of the pre-existant virus or whatever it is I already had going on.) I had a 45 minute drive up curvy mountain roads (well ride actually, as I can't drive myself that far) for blood draws yesterday morning, followed by an hour back down the mountain and stopping at another doctor's office for follow-up x-rays on my foot. Today I see my primary care doctor to talk about the new medication that was called into my pharmacy yesterday that I'm not even sure what it's for, and Sunday I start IVIG treatments with my first IV anticipated to take 4-5 hours to administer and weekly infusions for the next 12 weeks. So there it is, today is a "spill it" day afterall.

P.P.S. I have not forgotten about the book give-away for Rain on Me, just haven't had a chance to select a winner yet. There were so many heartbreaking stories represented by your posts and I am praying for you each!

Rain on Me Book Give-Away

I spent the entire month of June (and bits of both May and July) with my foot elevated and unable to bear weight because of a broken bone. I am still in a walking boot and won't know for another month if I will avoid surgery or not, but am very thankful to be walking once again! During my six weeks of rest I was blessed by the loving care of family and friends that God sent to provide all our needs and was continually amazed by God's creativity in supplying for His children. But I also had moments of self-pity and needed reminders that God could bring good out of this season of pain and setback.

One beautiful thing God did through this time where I had no option but to "be still" was to allow me to take a 40-day walk through the beautiful new book by Holley Gerth, Rain on Me: Devotions of Hope and Encouragement for Difficult Times. As an author I have frequent opportunities to review books and do enjoy many of the ones I am blessed to read. But there are a handful that stand out to me as "the cream of the crop" and Rain on Me is one of those beautifully crafted treasures that speaks to the heart. The writer in me just relished in all the delightful word pictures and the way Holley made a seemingly mundane topic such as "weather" come alive. The frustration in my own spirit over being down, and on a wider scale the ongoing struggles of chronic illness, were ministered to very personally way by Holley's reflections. So many meet me right where I lived and I kept thinking, "I'll have to ask Holley if I can reprint part of this one on my blog when I post about her book!" only to have the same thoughts about a different devotional a few days later. The "counselor" in found myself listing the names of so many hurting hearts who would be encouraged and ministered to by this amazing little book.

So rather than try to reprint so many portions of her devotional reflections, Holley has generously shared a free copy of her book that I will be thrilled to send to one of my blog readers at the end of this month. To be entered into my random drawing for Rain on Me please post a reply on this blog entry before midnight on July 31, 2009. Be sure to leave me an email address of some valid form of contact so I may get in touch with you and request your mailing address when you win. (Original winner will be given 3 days to reply to contest winning notification or I will move on to a secondary winner drawing.)

For more wonderful reading, drop by Holley's blog. Not only does she write beautifully, but she also gives away beautiful DaySpring gifts from time to time. ;)

Just in Case You Wonder...

Yes, I have bad days too! I know it can be overwhelming sometimes to read messages of exhortation like the one I just wrote on thorns, because it is easy to feel like, "Is this author for real?"

Let me assure you, yes, I get it. No, I don't go around jumping up and down every minute (not that I can jump much anyway!) saying, "Praise the Lord, I feel so sick today!" I'm physically not doing well at all right now, and while I try to keep God's purpose in the forefront of my mind, like it was the day I wrote the thorns message, I have very down days too, where the unrelenting physical attack wears away at the spirit and the emotions as well.

I'm not saying this to try to get sympathy, just to let you know that while this blog is about Harvesting Hope from Heartache, I understand that some seasons are much harder to "harvest" in than others. If that's where you are right now, please know you are in my prayers and take with you this {{{gentle hug}}}.