I would say that I'm 90=95% recovered from my actual surgery now. And on many levels I feel so much better to be free of the issues that brought about surgery in the first place! I've had occasional moments of emotional struggle (it is now physically impossible for me to ever conceive or carry another baby - even though we have been blessed with living children, this is still something pretty major to process after all those years of infertility), but overall I've had great, overwhelming, only-God-explained peace from the standpoint of emotional ramifications. I know the surgery needed to happen and am glad it is over with.
It's taken me this long to post again because just two weeks after surgery I was faced with some pretty significant health news of a totally different kind, this time related to the other chronic health issues that I've lived with for over 18 years. I had undergone a serious round of medical testing early in 2008 and finally received my full results the last week of December. I'm still trying to process all of this news, the ramifications (both immediate and long-term) and what parts I'm ready to blast out into cyberspace or what parts I feel the need to keep more private for a season. I've always been an "open book" with my health issues, but this time I just don't feel ready to share all the details to an unlimited, and sometimes unknown, audience just yet.
At this point I'll simply say that I'm doing a lot of deep thinking and reflecting and journaling at this stage. I'm pretty sure that many of the things God is teaching me right now will probably eventually make it to this blog, either along with specifics of the medical issues behind those reflections, or at the very least as devotional commentary applicable to a wide range of heartaches. So I ask your forgiveness in advance if I have some quiet seasons, but please understand that my quietness does not mean I'm ignorning this blog, just preparing my heart for what God would have me share in the future.
The one thing I do feel ready to say is that God has been working on my heart in the area of joyfulness. Over the past 3 years God has given me the "theme word" of hope, starting with the title of my book (that was not the working title I used when writing it, but the title that was given by my publisher and ultimately proved to be the perfect choice), and confirmed over and over again by vaious things God kept doing in my life through that season.
Now I'm not saying that I'm "loosing hope" for I think hope and all it's accompanying Scriptures and lessons will always hold a special place in my heart. But to that hope, God is now adding joy and I feel that I have a new "theme word" for this new year. Joy is something I found myself actively pursuing, delighting to be finding on deeper levels in the Lord, and excited to delve deeper into this year. I look forward to sharing more with you on this topic in the days to come.
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3 comments:
Dear Jenni,
Bless you dear. As I read your update I thought--I must keep praying--and I will now that there are more unknowns. My heart goes out to you in the finalization of an unfulfilled dream. I never could conceive and had to have a hysterectomy that sealed the hope I had continued to carry. I write about it in my memoir along with so much more about finding joy in a precious relationship with my Abba Daddy God. You wrote you would look for "Soar Unafraid: Learning to Trust No Matter What" in a store. You can go to www.soarunfraid.com and order an autographed copy from me (through Paypal or with Visa or MC), or order it from amazon.com for just a little less than my sale price. A book store will order it for you but charge you retail, which neither I or amazon do.
With a hug and prayer
Jo
www.jofranz.com
http://jofranz.blogspot.com
Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. You are in my prayers.
Kathy in West Texas
Jenni,
I am SO happy to see an update from you because I have been praying for you and hoping that things went well with your surgery. I am sorry to hear that you are now dealing with other health issues, but I know how strong you are, how much God has planned for you, and that you will face whatever this next challenge is with the same strength, humor and love that you always display.
Never apologize for not sharing something, it is completely your choice. Know that lots of us care about you, and we don't need specifics to pray for you. We are hear if, and when you choose to say more, but we are also hear if choose to keep things private too!
Love and hugs to my friend!
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