Monday, September 8, 2008
Blog Talk Radio
Tomorrow at noon (Pacific) I’ll be sharing a Blog Talk Radio broadcast about Illness, Medications, Fertility and the Desire for Motherhood as part of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. Infertility is an invisble illness that, like many other chronic illnesses, is often misunderstood. When you live with both infertility and other chronic health challenges too, life can get really complicated! Tune in on Tuesday and let me share a bit of my own story, then call in and share your throughs and questions about growing a family while facing chronic illness.
In the midst of all the physical challenges of both infertility and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, the spiritual journey was even more intense for me. I wrestled with God, struggling and asking and demanding and pleading with him to remove the pain both in my body and in my heart. Like Paul with his “thorn in the flesh” I repeatedly “pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me…” I wanted nothing more than to be a mother and I couldn't understand why that joy came so easily to all my friends while I soaked my pillow with tears month after month. David’s words resounded with me, “I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears” (Psalm 6:6).
I sunk into deep depression, even contemplating suicide. It seemed so unfair that nothing in my body would work as it was designed. If I couldn't even acquire something as basic and natural of pregnancy, I just couldn't see any use God could have for a woman like me. Job’s words captured my despair perfectly, “I prefer strangling and death, rather than this body of mine. I despise my life; I would not live forever. Let me alone; my days have no meaning” (Job 7:15-16, NIV).
Desperate words? You bet! I was a desperate woman. But by God’s grace, and through a long, slow processes of healing my heart, He did not leave me to my own desperation. “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand” (Psalm 4:2, NIV). I wanted healing, instead He chose to say, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). Come join us on Blog Talk Radio and find hope in the midst of your heartache too!