Naomi and Job's Tree

BibleGateway does fantastic weekly sketches on various women of the Bible. From one on Naomi they wrote, in part:

Naomi could not see past her suffering. Like many of us, she may have felt as though her tragedies were punishment for her sins. Yet had she known the blessings in store, she might not have felt so hopeless. Instead, she may have compared herself to the tree that Job so graciously describes:

At least there is hope for a tree:
If it is cut down, it will sprout again,
and its new shoots will not fail.
Its roots may grow old in the ground
and its stump die in the soil,
yet at the scent of water it will bud
and put forth shoots like a plant. - Job 14:7-9

Though she didn't know it, the scent of water was in the air. Naomi's life was beginning again, her story still unfolding...

In heartache, hold on, the season of Harvest will come again! You might appreciate my recent article entitled What About Me? If you are specifically dealing with infertility or sterility, you will find a supplement of this article, written just for you, by following that link as well.

Please come visit me on my new official author page on Facebook. I'm gearing up to publish my next book and would love your support at www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope/. Please help me show potential publishers I'm serious about this book writing thing. They need to see numbers of likes well into the thousands while I'm only in the low hundreds, so far.

The Battle Belongs to the Lord!

I just shared several significant challenges and the spiritual warfare that seems to be tied to the finishing up of this manuscript, over on the Stroke of Grace website. If you are praying with me concerning this project, please read http://strokeofgrace.blogspot.com/2013/03/boots.html !

Book Prayers, Please

I'm only about less than 10 devotionals from being DONE with my current manuscript and being able to query publishers, but I have hit a motivation slump (not really "writer's block," just loss of focus) and done basically no new work on the book since October. Please pray for renewed motivation and inspiration to finish well. 

 Harvesting Hope from Heartache - join me on Facebook. :)

Grieving with Hope

This is a truly inspiring story of one woman's journey in unseen faith!

Testimony to holding the Shield of Faith from Morning Star Church.

Have you taken up the shield of faith today?

Through the Valley

Today I'm sharing two more windows into my past on the Hannah's Hope book blog (my struggle with depression) and on Held (God's grace to carry me through that dark valley).


If you or someone you love if caught in a similar struggle, these resources might help.

Suicide Prevention:

U.S. Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1-800-SUICIDE

International Suicide Prevention Listings - http://www.befrienders.org


General Depression Resources:

My Story, as posted here at Harvesting Hope last year.

Depression is Not a Sin (Focus on the Family)

Just Breathe (in)Courage

Common Cold of Emotional Illnesses

Women and Depression

Mental Health


Depression After Pregnancy Loss:

Is Miscarriage Supposed to be This Hard? (Focus on the Family)

Out of the Valley Post-Partum (Including Post-Miscarriage) Hope

Desert Seasons

Have you ever endured a really long "dry spell" in your relationship with God? It's hard to harvest much in a desert isn't it?

I once heard a sermon on "desert seasons" about the 40 years of wilderness wandering for the Jews, David's time of hiding out in the desert to escape King Saul's death threats during nearly 20 years of waiting for the fulfillment of his anointing as king, even Jesus' 40 days of fasting and temptation after He was baptized by John and spoken as God's "beloved Son" straight from heaven at the beginning of His earthly ministry. It is hard to go through spiritual deserts where the pursuit of fellowship with Him seems so dry and fruitless and pointless!

If it's any encouragement, you are not alone in these feelings. In fact I think it is a pretty common experience for maturing Christians where God allows us to "outgrow" that initial passion and have to lean on Him more "blindly" in faith at times. Praying that He will give you the courage to keep "going through the motions" as an act of obedience, even when your heart doesn't feel like you are connecting, and that He will bring you through this "desert" (or "deserted" feeling?) time with renewed hope and purpose for the next season of your journey with Him.

Following God Through the Trials is a beautiful article I read this morning, further reflecting on these desert seasons. I pray it will bless you as it has me. Then go on to Storms in the Desert and be reminded that the Living Water will never leave you or forsake you, even when you don't "feel" Him near. {{{hug}}}

Calming Storms in My Heart

Contentment with Great (Weight) Gain

I posted this to my InfertilityMom and beauty blogs last week, and wow does it seem to have struck a nerve! I try not to usually cross post the same thing on more than a couple of blogs, but it sounds like this is one that has met a lot of hurting hearts right where they live, and so I share it here as well....

I've gained weight the past year and a half. A lot of weight. I was asked three times last week if I was pregnant because I'm carrying most of that weight right out front in my belly. I've had a hysterectomy and dealt with weight gain from medications and many medical issues. There's no doubt that my hormones are way out of balance. I weight more than 50 pounds more today than I did when I was pregnant with our daughter eight years ago. About 40 of those pounds have been packed on the past 20 months.


I am frustrated. I don't like my body. I don't like getting dressed. I don't like getting undressed even more. I have stacks of clothes I can't get into, some now 3 or 4 sizes too small, that I've been stashing away for when I can get the pound off.


Today I'm choosing a new attitude. Yes, I would still like to shed some weight, for health, for self-esteem, for so many reasons. But the fact is, this is my body right now. The same Holy Spirit lives inside this broken temple who lived here when I was at my healthiest, most fit, most attractive days. I can make choices that will keep this body as well-conditioned as I am able, but honestly some of this is simply beyond my control.


So today I went through all my clothes, those horded away for someday and those still hanging in my closet, many ill-fitting even though I try to still squeeze into them. To my delight I found a few things I honestly didn't think would fit that still work nicely. :) I kept about 5 things that are very near to fitting, just a tiny snug right now, because if I can loose a few pounds and under-grow what I have, I still have a tiny cushion of options before I hit yard sales and consignment stores for smaller sizes.


I sorted and organized all the rest and can walk into my closet and know that absolutely anything I pull off the hanger will fit on this body and I won't have to fight through five or six outfit changes (and accompanying tears and words of self-loathing) just to get dressed in the morning. And as a bonus, I now get to bless some friends with an abundance of clothing that can be enjoyed again, no longer a source of frustration to their owner.


But godliness with contentment is great gain.

- 1 Timothy 6:6



Father, please grant me contentment in my "great gain" that I can have a heart to fully embrace the body you have given me and glorify you with it, just as I am.

When Pregnancy (or Lack of) Brings Depression

This week I shared my own journey through depression, sometimes related to chronic illness, other times to infertility or miscarriage, and most recently in the wake of pregnancy and for two years post-partum. Today I want to specifically share a resource for post-partum depression or PPD.

Living Beyond Postparutm Depression: Help and Hope for the Hurting Mom and Those Around Her by Jerusha Clark is a fantastic read for anyone considering trying to conceive. Hopefully you will never need the information there, but it is a good tool to have available and information to be aware of even prior to conception - I truly wish I had known about it before we miscarried Noel or before our living daughter's pregnancy/birth as I think I would have been armed with the information I needed to seek help and prevent much heartache.

One thing I greatly appreciate about Jerusha's book was that even though she herself has not faced infertility or pregnancy loss, she does acknowledge both issues, providing facts that are often overlooked in many PPD resources. While she does not address these issues in depth, she shares that, "PPD can afflict women after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or abortion." She also sites sources to explain that because of "exposure to artificial hormones and psychological stressors" that women undergoing infertility treatment "are at a high risk for developing depression. Approximately 25 to 30 percent of women undergoing treatment for fertility are clinically depressed before becoming pregnant and PPD affects a great number of these women after delivery." These were issues I had long-observed but never seen medically verified, so it was refreshing to find these references in this book.

If you are currently experiencing PPD, I would actually suggest that you ask a loved one (husband, supportive mother, best friend) to read Living Beyond for or with you. Knowing my own personality, I must be honest and say that if I had read it during PPD, because I was in the functional mild-moderate range of illness, while I would have gleaned much helpful information, some portions of the book might have added to my weight of guilt/concern. I do not say this because anything presented us untrue, invalid or even unkind, but because the book is very honest about the burden PPD places on family members and I tend to be guilt-driven very easily, even when in a healthy frame of mind. Likewise, had I read it after miscarriage I think I could have gained a lot of healing encouragement, but would also have found the passages about mothering a newborn quite hard to bear.

Having said all that, Living Beyond is still the most extensive and helpful resource I've found for understanding all the various facets and kinds of depression and what can be successfully done to help properly treat the condition. And I definitely need to note that while PPD refers to depression that comes post-pregnancy, many of the principles there are equally applicable to any form of depression, even those not related to the physical/hormonal shifts of pregnancy, so I would consider this book valuable reading for all women and married couples along with the husbands (Especially!!!), fathers, brothers, pastors or other men in positions to support women through this journey.

Note of disclaimer:
I received no financial compensation for this post, however I did receive a free review copy of Living Beyond Postpartum Depression from the publisher, NavPress. This review is fully my personal opinion and was not reviewed by the book author nor publisher prior to publication.

All About Me?

How quickly I loose focus. How quickly mankind forgets, becomes self-centered:

At the Last Supper, Jesus passed the bread and cup then said,

21-22"Do you realize that the hand of the one who is betraying me is at this moment on this table? It's true that the Son of Man is going down a path already marked out—no surprises there. But for the one who turns him in, turns traitor to the Son of Man, this is doomsday."

23They immediately became suspicious of each other and began quizzing one another, wondering who might be about to do this.

24-26Within minutes they were bickering over who of them would end up the greatest. But Jesus intervened: "Kings like to throw their weight around and people in authority like to give themselves fancy titles. It's not going to be that way with you. Let the senior among you become like the junior; let the leader act the part of the servant.

-Luke 22, The Message (emphasis added)

One minute worried about Christ, suspicious of one another. In the blink of an eye they forget why they were even arguing in the first place, Whom they were trying to protect. SELF takes priority over the His Lordship. Pride and greed eclipse protection and love.

I'm writing about them. I'm writing about me. *sigh* It's so easy to loose focus and forget. Lord, please help me to love with Your grace, protect with Your passion, choose my battles to Your honor, and remember that it's really about You, not me!!!

Consider the Clovers

Growing in God’s Flower Garden is a sweet reminder by Lisa Copen of Rest Ministries, that we are never "overlooked" or insignificant to God. Take a moment to read it and be encouraged today. :)

...Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow...
- Matthew 6:28

Thorns, Weeds, Give-away and Hope

Dealing with infertility, pregnancy loss or adoption struggles or know someone who is? I came across a give-away for my book, Hannah's Hope, on the Life {Sweet} Life blog today, open through April 1! The blog author, Sarah, is currently pregnant, but has a heart for those still walking the road of infertility.

Sarah's also got some great things to say about FamilyLife Weekend to Remember. Read my review here or between April 5-26, 2010, register for any upcoming Spring or Fall Weekend to Remember using the promotion code "INVITE" and go for 1/2 price, only $129/couple!

I'm still praying my way through the life of Paul, thus giving a lot of thought to thorns and weeds. Today's post at (in)Courage, Ellie and the Weeds is a sweet reminder to let God be our gardener. (To my infertility/loss friends, the article is built sweet conversations between a mother and her 3-year-old, but this mother has also suffered infant death if this knowledge makes the sweet exchange more readable for you).

I would like to ask your specific prayers for protection over me and for my family as I venture deeper into my Paul writing. I'm starting to see signs that satan's not happy with what God's wanting to accomplish through this book and he's trying to attack us, invading my dreams with ugly images, taking reign over my tongue in ugly words that tear down my loving husband, and bringing a spirit of disorder and discord into our home. In a way I'm thankful for these attacks only because they affirm that I must be on the right track if the old snake would take the time to try to sideline us, but I also know God longs for us to come running to Him with our fears and frustrations, and so I ask you to join me prayer for God to be glorified in and through our family in a time of spiritual warfare.

Would you pray with me that the Lord will keep us steadfast in Him and bring joy and harmony to our home as He speaks truth to me and helps me to rightly divide His Word to share with hearts broken through chronic physical pain and illness? If you would like to join me as a prayer partner for this newest writing project, please leave me a note here or email me at jsaake AT yahoo DOT com and I'll send you periodic prayer updates as the book project continues to unfold. Thank you!

One Thing

Do you have "one thing" in your life you wish you could fix, change, replace, rewrite? Maybe it's a relationship, a loss, an unmet goal or expectation, a significant disappointment, a soul-deep struggle. While we probably all have many things we wish we could see unfold differently, what's that one especially sore "thorn" that follows you into every day of this life's season?

This morning I read a really fun and light, yet amazingly thought provoking devotional, based on that silly old song, "There's a Hole in My Bucket". It made me think a lot about the ways I try to fix that "one thing" that seems off in my life, how I try to fill "holes" and broken places rather than resting fully in God through them. I would love to share both the original devotional along with the thoughts it spurred for me, over on my InfertilityMom blog. Please join me at http://infertilitymom.blogspot.com/2010/02/one-thing.html

Extravagant Love

Holidays such as Valentine's always make me reflective. For those of us in beautiful, happy, healthy relationships, we can celebrate the glowing joy of love on special day like this, but really I don't think we even need a date on the calendar because we are striving to live out our love on a daily basis. Even in stable, loving marriages, love can be painful at times, a continual stretching, growing and relearning. Rick and I will celebrate 17 1/2 years of marriage on Feb. 15 and each year has taught us new things about love, perhaps the last couple of years more than any before, learning to creatively express our love in new ways, within the ever-shrinking confines of health limitations.

For my friends who are in painful relationships, or grieving lost love, or simply waiting for love that God hasn't brought into your lives yet, I think this day must feel much like Mother's Day feels for an infertile woman or mother who has suffered the death of her child. If this is where you find yourself today, please know you are in my prayers!

May I encourage you to visit Mary Singer Wick at Extravagant Life for encouragement? Mary was kind enough to send me a copy of her book My Heart's Desire: A Journey Toward Finding Extravagant Love for review last year (Sadly, I'm 2-3 years behind on reviewing some of the books that have been so generously shared with me!) and her story of finding heartbreak everywhere she looked for love, to eventually find true love in Christ alone (then only after that, to be blessed with a loving, faithful husband as well) was compelling. In fact, I had my copy into the mail for a hurting friend within 24 hours of finishing my reading, it was such a powerful story that I just couldn't delay passing along the messages of hope and healing found within the pages. If you have been hurt by broken relationships, I know My Heart's Desire will be a blessing to you!



Over at InnerBeautyGirlz I'm sharing about "love" and what our Father's Love for us cost Him. Please join me!

Birthdays

I'm reflecting on "birth" right now - the birth of the Son of God (that came at the cost of a Father's greatest grief), the birth of our first living miracle (10 years ago this morning I was just starting labor), and the births we never got to enjoy, our little ones awaiting us in Heaven.

Joel Samuel, who shared a due date (2 years later) with his big brother and would now be turning 8, has been especially on my heart these past couple of days. His name means "The Lord will repay the years the locusts have eaten," and we named our son in faith that after so much heartache (deep financial struggles, multiple failed adoptions, miscarries...) God surely had something more in store for us than years of tears and loss that had marked our first decade of marriage.

We had no idea what form that "something more" would be, perhaps emotional, spiritual or even physical tangible blessings, but we clung to the hope that His "more" would be perfect in His right timing and that He would not leave us adrift in the despairing grief that threatened to sink us. My heart is full with all I want to write on the kindness and grace God has washed over us in the eight years since Joel left my womb for Heaven, including two more living miracle babies! Yes, there have been hard times too, like my recent diagnosis of a retrovius (XMRV is one of only 3 known human retroviruses, the most well-known being HIV), but God has been so gracious through it all.

It seemed for so long we were the ones grieving, in need of tangible financial or other help. This Christmas, when so many are struggling, we live in a warm home with bountiful food, God's blessings overflowing. My eyes tear as we hand warms socks and an energy bar to the man with the cardboard sign on the corner, as my husband quietly walks forward to pay for lunch for the man who digs through his pocket and turns to walk out of the fast food joint because he doesn't have the change to cover a value meal, as we place a few small gifts of love in a friend's arms to put under the empty tree in her tiny apartment. We do it for Jesus. We do it for Joel.

Yesterday we enjoyed the blessing of a long, leasurly lunch with Rick's parents to celebrate Big. J's addition to our family 10 years ago - such a wonderful change of pace after 19 weeks of spending my Sunday afternoons hooked up to IVs! (On top of that, my hives are even starting to clear up. What a blessing!) We'll celebrate him again tomorrow (his actual birthday) with my side of the family.

My brother, sister(in-law) and nephews got in from Washington yesterday evening and spent the night with my parents. We will be seeing them in a couple of hours and spending the next 10 days together, so you might not hear from me much until the end of the year. As a "Christmas gift" I wanted to point you to a current blog give-away for Joy Dekok's wonderful book, Rain Dance. It takes on some heavy topics (infertility, post-abortion syndrome, grief - topics that scared me away from the book for far too long) but is an amazing read and will touch your heart. Enter to win your own copy at http://www.crazy-for-books.com/2009/12/blog-tour-review-giveaway-rain-dance-by.html



[Edited Dec. 26 to say, after dedicating this entire post to Joel, I realized belatedly that it was actually Hannah Rose who shared a due date with our oldest J. She is the one that would have been turning 8 about now. Joel was due in September, as we had two back-to-back miscarriages.
There, Mommy-guilt for having mistaken dates surrounding the lives and deaths of my children, now somewhat relieved by this admission. As this is a mistake I still can't believe I would ever make "in my right mind," and especially one I'm still shocked that it took me nearly a week to even realize I had made, I'm chalking this one up to CFS / XMRV "brain fog". :( ]

The Choice

I've mentioned my sweet friend Holley Gerth more than once here. Today she posted a story I've heard from her several times in the past, but it never fails to move me and challenge me in my choices and perceptions. Please enjoy with me Bitter or Better from the (in)Courage website. :)

Prescription of Hope

I'm struggling today. My heart hurts. I am overwhelemed.

I needed this reminder today from Heather at Prescription of Hope: Be Strong. Be Courageous. Heather, thanks for taking a moment to remind me where my hope comes from. :)

"Now may God, the source of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" Romans 15:13 (NIV).

Radio Link & Coping with Crisis of Top of Chronic, part 2

I just got off the phone from a wonderful radio chat with Lisa Copen, as one of 20 seakers for the free National Chronic Invisible Illness Awareness Week virtual conference. This was my second year to experience the blessing of sharing for NCIIAW - feel free to listen to last year's program on infertility, medications, chronic illness and the desire for motherhood at http://harvestinghope.blogspot.com/2008/09/blog-talk-radio.html

This year we were talking about Coping With Crisis on Top of Chronic. I had the chance to share the first half of my notes for today's talk back in August and wanted to post a few more points here today. If you haven't had a chance to listen yet, please take an hour to join Lisa and I at today's archived show:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/invisibleillnessconf/2009/09/15/Coping-with-Crises-on-Top-of-Chronic--Chat-with-2-Gals-Who-Understand
(Note to listeners who are currently facing infertility, Lisa and I are both after-infertility moms, her through adotpion, I through childbirth, and there are some references to motherhood, including the final caller who asked about deciding to have a second child while facing chronic illness.)


As HarvestingHope.blogspot.com was the only website address that was given out during today's radio interview, I also wanted to direct you to my sidebar where you will find links to several of my other websites and/or blogs. A few to highlight are:

Hannah's Hope is my book website where you can read a free chapter of Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage & Adoption Loss and learn about other infertility and loss support resources.

InfertilityMom.blogspot.com is pretty much my "everything" page and certainly my most personal blog. It's a slice of just about everything in my life from reflections on infertiltiy and loss, to the joy of motherhood after infertility. I talk about homeschooling, and writing, and work from home businesses. Here I share more details about my personal health journey in ongoing journal format, in contrast to the more devotional and slightly one-step-back from my ongoing personal struggles that tend to be more reflected here at Harvesting Hope™. And I love to toss in some "just for fun" stuff there, like the latest contest I'm entering or occassional give-aways from me. If you want the whole package and get to know the real me with the ins and outs of my daily heartbeat, InfertiltiyMom.blogspot.com is the blog you will want to follow.

Inner Beauty Girlz is the blog I referenced on today's radio show when talking about finding a passion. It started as a little place to explore my own curiosity about natural and affordable beauty alternatives and also to journal and reflect on God's call to make myself beautiful in spirit and how I can take things I learn about caring for my body and apply them to my thought life and attitudes.
I am a consultant with both Affordable Mineral Makeup™ and Gurrlie Girl™ Christian Jewelry so I also use this blog to post product information, discounts, specials and give-aways along with my beauty hits, tips, tricks and devotional reflections.

As a quick review, my first three tips for Coping with Crisis or Chronic (click here for detailed explanations of each) were:

1. Quiet Time
- non-optional daily priority, both to refresh body and spirit

2. Laughter is the Best Medicine
- seek joy even in dark seasons, not "Polyanna theology," but "Apostle Paul theology" as found in Philippians 4

3. Support Resources
- it is critical to find, or make for yourself, a support network

Added to these, my other three tools in my survival tool belt are:

4. Find a Passion
- When chronic illness hits, it's like a rug is pulled out from under my feet. Everything I have known and simply accepted is turned upside down. Things I took for granted in the past can no longer be presumed. Skills, abilities, perhaps even joys and interests, are suddenly lost. For example, I used to do counted cross stich constantly, but when CFS hit, I no longer had the strength in my arms to hold and stich, the mental focus to count and properly follow a pattern, nor the ability to focus my eyes on those little squares without triggering a migraine. This may seem like a small loss, but it was something that had meant a lot to me and brought me much pleasure for many years, then suddenly it brought only pain and frustration. Not only did I loose something I had loved, but because of my illness and the need to lay in bed for hours on end, I had much more "time on my hands" than I knew what to do with and what I normally would have turned to as a hobby wasn't even an option.

Part of the grieving process of chronic illness is learning to let go of what I can no longer do. But on the flipside, sometimes I am forced to explore new options I might not otherwise have ever considered, and this can be a blessing. I turned to writing, initially sending long letters to my fiance who lived far away, then I began journaling in earnest, and eventually I began writing articles for publication. Had I not lost my favorite hobby, I might never have ventured onto the internet and found a world of support resources, nor written a book, nor become a blogger.

My health struggles themselves led me to search out healthier alternatives for personal care products such as makeup (since I began having allergic reactions to all the chemically based brands I tried, even "hypo-allergenic" lines) and that led me into a whole new nitch of writing on beauty, along with leading me to become a consultant with companies I found to fit my needs. So while I'm too sick to work outside the home, the hobbies that my health unfolded before me have become a small source of "egg money" income that allow me to occassionally help out with a few little extras for our family budget and I find fulfillment in pursuing my new passions in the process.



5. Be Gentle with Myself
- Others may not be, so I need to be! There will always be those who don't understand, but I am the one who lives moment-by-moment with the ebb and flow of my body's demands. I can get caught up in all the "shoulds" that other people put on me, or I can be honest with myself about my needs and abilities and give myself some room to simply "be".

In my case, my doctor has made it very clear that if I push myself as hard as I can just because I have something left to give, that my body will never fully heal. I have always had a very driven personality and want to go and do and give. But if I cannot give myself permission to make my own needs a priority, I'm headed for permant disability and continued decline that will not be able to be reversed.

Putting this concept into practice can be more painful than I wish it were. For instance, I have a heart for anyone who may be lonely or hurting. When a new woman joined church recently, she commented that she had not been able to really establish friendships at her last church, so it became personal to me to see that she felt welcome and found a sense of community quickly. She readily accepted my invitation to come over with her kids for the afternoon, though I had to postpone it several weeks due to ongoing health issues. She then exchanged the invitation and generously watched my kids for several hours while I went to the hospital to be with my parents for my mom's surgery. Since then I've not only been involved with my mom's recovery, starting a new homeschooling year with my kids, but have had a lot of medical procedures, appointments and endless medical phone calls to keep up with, including a trip out of state to see the only specalist my insurance would cover.

I simply find myself too exhausted to reach out right now. She's left the ball in my court with "call me if you want to connect," and my heart aches that she may feel like I don't want to befriend her, when the truth is that I would like nothing more, but simply have nothing to give right now. I have vaguely explained my health to her and will do my best to explain my heart and my physcial reality in more detail soon (hard topics to plunge deeply into with a brand new friend), but in the end I will simply have to accept my limitations and realize that we will have to "do friendship" on the terms by body sets forth for us, and I'll have to be OK with that reguardless of how understanding she may or may not turn out to be.



6. Let Go and Let God
- All of the above tools ultimately point to one simple fact. I can't do it all! I must let go of unrealistic expectations of myself (and of others - it's easy to become disillusioned when others I depend on or place my hopes in fall short of my expectiations) and look fully to God as not only the source of my strength, but the one who gives wisdom and directs my steps moment by moment.

He never has unrealist expecations of me. He is always gentle with me and knows, truly understands, what I face moment by moment.

My job is simply to do what He calls me to for this moment and leave the rest to Him. Some days that may simply be getting through the day without giving into utter despair that I can't raise my arms with enough strength to brush my hair. Some days that may be trusting him that if my new friend needs friendship that I'm not equiped to give, that maybe I'm instread called to pray that God will meet that need for her through someone else.

When recently undergoing some very frightening treatments that had me reflecting on my own mortality, I realized that I was not really handing the reighns of my life to God. I had written love letters to every family member and placed them in my journal where I thought they would be found if I should die. I was peaceful about the prospect of death for my own sake, but I was a ball of nerves for the sake of my husband and children, grieving for them about what they might endure should I die. And then it occured to me of how arrogant I was being, to say I could trust God with my eternal future, but then actively distrust Him to have a perfect plan for my husband and children!

Just simply realizing that a God big enough to hold my eternity in His hands would have a great plan for my family too was a significant "letting go" moment that marked a wonderful return to a peaceful heart for me. As it turned out, I was His ongoing plan for my family and I had let myself get all worked up for something that never was really even an issue, but I pray that I will hold onto that life lesson next time I'm tempted to try to micro-manage God's plan rather than just resting in Him that He will take care of every need, big or small.



I would encourage you to take advantage of any or all of the 20 Invisible Illness Week seminars available to you this week, and archived for ongoing listening, at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/invisibleillnessconf. Please log back in here at www.HarvestingHope.blogspot.com again on Saturday as well, for a special post on Hope in the Shadows as part of the (In)Courage blog tour.

Lisa Copen, part 2

Yesterday I had the joy of introducing you to my friend Lisa and her work as the founder of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week (NICIAW). If you haven't yet had a chance to read part one of our conversation, please take a moment to revisit yesterday's post before picking up with us here. :)

Lisa, what was it that made you see Invisible Illness Week as necessary? Why did you start this?

LC: Well, a few reasons. I began Rest Ministries in 1997. It's a Christian organization that serves those who live with chronic illness and the sponsor of Invisible Illness Week. I kept seeing many people who felt very alone, misunderstood, and frustrated, feeling that their illness, pain, and suffering were completely invalidated. Some people have a spouse who even doubts the existence of an illness.

I also saw lots of family members, caregivers, doctors, churches, etc. who wanted to reach out to people with illness, but they said all the wrong things. Eventually they distanced themselves from their loved ones because they just didn't understand illness or how to respond to it.

The fact that illness and pain is invisible to see can make it hard for healthy people to understand. And those with illness can easily become bitter when their loved ones believe it is being exaggerated. It makes for a sad situation all the way around and I thought communication could be a helpful first step.

This sounds familiar. I've heard many people say this.

LC: It does, doesn't it? Even those of us who cope rather well with our illness on a day-to-day basis can still have moments of frustration. We may park legally in a disabled parking spot and we get the look from someone walking by. A friend may ask, "So are you all better now?" People don't always comprehend the difference between being sick and being chronically ill.

So you decided to start Invisible Illness Week and address some of these issues?

LC: Yes, I saw such amazing people who survive against all odds and still had hope and faith. I wanted to give them an opportunity to encourage others who were going through depression or hopelessness.

It doesn't really matter what our illness is, where we may live, our age, or how long ago we receIved a diagnosis, etc. The truth is, most of our illnesses are invisible and the fact that a healthy person is unable to see the symptoms we experience or the physical pain provides us with a lot more in common with one another in the similarities of our illness ever could. Once we get start talking about the emotions behind our illness we find out we are not nearly as different as we may have originally assumed.

What illness is it that you have, Lisa?

LC: Rheumatoid arthritis is my main chronic illness that I cope with on a daily basis. I received my diagnosis in 1993 when I was 24 years old. At a few years after that I started having symptoms of fibromyalgia and later receIved a diagnosis. Unfortunately, I have not ever experienced remission which is what all the doctors hoped for. So the last eight years has been a challenge as disease has progressed. I realize in many ways I am blessed and could be worse off than I am now and yet in the last couple of years my illness is becoming more and more visible rather than invisible.

I don't just cope with daily pain now, but I struggle to do everyday tasks such as unloading the dishwasher or driving because my hands and feet are becoming more significantly deformed. I am on all of the medications that you can imagine to try to slow the progression of the disease down but the last year has brought me into a new season and I have many surgeries that will need to be scheduled in the near future to keep any mobility I have.

Beyond the grace of God, what personally fuels your "grace tank", the driving force that enables you to keep giving of yourself even when exhausted beyond description and living in pain?

My husband is a gem and I couldn’t do any ministry without his support. And not just emotional support, but doing the dishes, the laundry, meals sometimes, taking care of our son, and more. My son is 6 and he makes me laugh. When you are trying to explain the Lord to a 6-year-old you learn a lot of lessons yourself all over again. I also go to bed early and read a lot. I will read my Bible on my Kindle and then I love to end the evening reading some good fiction. It takes me away for awhile. A lot of times I may end up back out of bed by 12:30 a.m., but I try to at least get to bed by 9 or 10 and have some quiet time.

I heard that you type with just a few fingers.

LC: Yes. I use about 3 fingers and my 2 thumbs. I have a voice program but I usually want to talk too fast and it can't keep up.

Even with your limited typing abilities, you have written several books including one that gives 505 ideas on how people can reach out to someone who is ill, right?

LC: Yes! It's called Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend; It's actually a very helpful book because even though I wrote it, I still refer to it frequently for fresh ideas on how to encourage someone who is hurting. Too often I get stuck in the rut of not being able to think of anything other than another meal. Food is a nice gesture, but there are so many more creatIve and memorable ways to show someone you care. We also have cute little JOY gift certificate cards that you can give a friend when you are offering to do something for them. JOY stand for "Just Offering You" and one can fill out what they are able to offer (errands, laundry, taking your child for a play date, etc.) and when the best time is for them to volunteer to help.

That's a great idea. I would think that it would be a lot easier to accept help from someone if it came in the form of a gift certificate.

LC: I think so. The cards are great for a support group, a womens ministry, or really anyone who wants a light-hearted way of saying, "I'd love to help. Here is what I am able to do."

Well, Lisa, thank you again for joining us here today. And also for starting National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. I understand that in addition to your health challenges you are also a wife and mom. I know it can't be easy to try to do all that you do.

LC: Honestly, it's not, but it has always kept me going too and I couldn't do it without my husband's support. Thank you for hosting me at your blog this week. I hope all of your readers will visit us at National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and let your friends know about our free 5-day virtual conference! We're going to have a great time!

Please join Lisa and I for the conclusion of this conversation tomorrow, where you will learn specific information about how to participate in the encouragement of NICIAW and the 20-session free virtual conference!

Coping With Crisis on Top of Chronic, part 1

This is "part 1" of a 2-part series of notes for a radio program on Coping with Crises on Top of Chronic; Chat with 2 Gals Who Understand where Lisa Copen and I chatted for National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. For "part 2" of these notes, follow the link at the end of this message.

A couple of weeks ago I was fighting the first day of a migraine (it ultimately lasted 13 days in spite of medical efforts to subdue it) when I got a phone call from my lab. There had been an issue with my recent blood work and it needed to be redrawn as quickly as possible. I figured I could wait until the headache and accompanying spotty vision abated enough to allow me to safely drive, then I could manage to get myself to the lab that was 10 minutes from home, sometime later in the week. Unfortunately, as the lab tech continued to apprise me of the situation, I realized that the vial that needed to be redrawn was one I had done nearly three weeks earlier at the specialty lab over a windy mountain pass nearly an hour away.

My phone rang at about 11 on a Tuesday morning and I had to have the redraw prior to an IV I would receive that next Sunday. Because of Post-Infectious Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS), my driving ability is limited to about half an hour from home and only on relatively straight roads, even on my best of days. The location of the lab already meant I would have to call in outside help to get it done. Not only would I need help, but I would need to be rather demanding about how and when I received that help because the specialty lab only does these specific draws on Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays before 1 PM. I had to somehow either get myself to the lab within the next two hours that very day, or hit a specific five-hour window the next. If I could not arrange childcare, someone to drive me, and cope with the effects of motion sickness on top of my migraine misery before 1 the following afternoon, I would have to try to reschedule my IVIG therapy for a second time, the treatment we had fought for the past 18 months for insurance approval to be able to begin!

My mom, who was herself dealing with pre-op workups for a knee replacement surgery, helped me figure out a plan for my dad to drive me and three kids up the mountain the following morning and still get back down to town in time for my x-rays at the orthopedic surgeon’s office the next afternoon. I certainly didn't want to miss that appointment and delay my hopes of getting my broken foot out of a cast after 10 weeks of slow healing! Before the week was over, Mom would also end up driving me to my primary care doctor’s office for migraine shots two days in a row. As I tried to juggle all those different medical demands, I joked with my mom that I never knew that being sick could be such hard work!

Do you ever feel like living with a chronic illness is a full-time job? And as if managing your “regular” health challenges isn’t complicated enough, what do you do when a crisis situation comes along on top of the daily juggle of pain, unpredictable symptoms, medical care and the financial strain that can accompany it all? Life doesn't just stop because of illness. Accidents, sorrows, trials and tragedies (as well as joys, victories, accomplishments and achievements) of all proportions still happen around and to us. When just coping with chronic already overwhelms us beyond our limitations, how do we keep from being done in by crisis, the surprise "extras" that come along?

I certainly haven’t figured out all the answers, but after living my entire adult life under the shadow of Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (ME/CFS) and taking some crisis journeys through unemployment, infertility, a few outside medical emergencies such as this broken foot, and several encounters with death, grief and loss, I have learned a handful of coping skills along the way. When crisis hits on top of chronic, here are a few simple survival tips I can fall back on:


1. Quiet Time.
This is a non-optional survival skill for me in daily living with chronic illness. While I might be able to scrape by for a few days without making scheduled downtime a priority, I can’t function on a continual basis without it. In a crisis situation I might be tempted to try to push through on adrenaline for a while, but if don’t make a conscious effort to slow down sooner rather than later, I will pay for it with a significant physical and emotional crash that will be hard to recover from. So while it may feel like there is no time to even catch my breath, in times of crisis I must be aware of my need for regular “time outs”.

There are two ways that I implement this concept in my life. The first is through daily “quiet time” every afternoon in our home. My kids are 9, 6 and 3 and know that every afternoon we will pile into my bed together for story time (sometimes I can barely get through a short, simple picture book that I ask them to read to me while on better days I might be able to read two or three chapters of a novel with them) then everyone will go to their own rooms and sleep or read or play quietly for at least 90 minutes. We have done this since the oldest was a baby. (I encourage moms who are newly trying to implement this technique with older kids who might be resistant to the idea, to start with even just 15 or 20 minutes and work your way up.) On days when I can barely function and wonder how I will ever make it through the day, I know that if I can hang on until quiet time, I will have a chance to recharge at least a bit; on these days quiet time sometimes becomes 2 or 2½ hours rather than just our regular 1½.

On a spiritual level I need daily quiet time as well. God calls me to “Be still, and know that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10). In my weakest moments it might be all I can give to simply lay still and try reflect on who God is, being thankful that He loves me, broken as I am. Other times I can make a more active pursuit of knowing God by spending time reading and meditating upon His Word (my Bible), by praying (simply talking to God) or journaling my thoughts to and about Him. It is only in stilling this most inward part of my soul where I find the greatest refreshment and benefit of quietness and intentional rest. The words of Isaiah 30:15 are so very true; in quietness is where I find my strength.


2. Laughter is the Best Medicine.
Cliché, but true none the less. I can always tell when my husband is feeling stressed, especially over my medical needs, because it is in these times that he most frequently turns to humor to help us through. I cannot even begin to count the times he’s had me giggling with his tongue depressor puppets, or exam glove balloons, or silly comments only the chronically ill could love, as we’ve sat in cold exam rooms waiting for doctors to show up.

Going through fertility treatments I had to get really creative about finding ways to laugh at hormone injections and very invasive testing and treatments. I remember driving across town one day with a sperm sample in my bra (to keep it the correct temperature) and bursting into semi-hysterical laughter at the thought on how on earth I would explain that to an EMT if we were to get in a car accident on the way to the clinic and they would have to cut me out of the wreckage with the Jaws of Life! Sometime laughter is the only way to avoid tears.

Tears and laughter can co-exist as well! Funerals are typically solemn times of amplified grief. But have you ever found those in that inner circle of family and closest friends gathered around together and laughing at funny memories of their loved one’s life? Sometimes laughter comes through tears, but can be just as healing.


3. Support Network.
Did you cringe a little when I was talking about my husband’s playful support at my doctor’s appointments, my dad’s willingness to be both chauffeur and babysitter for my distance blood draw, or what it’s like to be in an “inner circle” of family and friends at a funeral? While I’ve been more blessed than most in this area, I know that support doesn’t typically come easily. We’ve had seasons when we didn’t live near extended family, had few friends, were not involved in a church, and my husband worked 80-90 hours a week. I felt incredibly alone and afraid without anyone to lean on. It was then that I learned just how important it was for me to make the effort to find/create a support network for myself (even when I felt like I have no energy to make that effort)!

Surrounding yourself with support is ideally accomplished before you are faced with a time of crisis, but often seems hard to find. I think this is true because others may not see or truly understand our need for help through the daily grind of chronic. It can be humiliating to ask for help too, even when we are crying out on the inside, “I’m so alone!” When we are faced with crisis, sometimes (not always) support more readily presents itself. When it does, it’s important to take that help offered, though we would all rather be self-reliant enough to not need it.

OK, so you are ready and willing to accept any support you can find, but can’t find any. Now what? Your doctor, hospital, local social services or place or worship are all possible starting places when looking for a support network. I’ve said over and over that I don’t know how people survive without the support of a local church family. Even though I have great family support now, including my parents who moved from out of state just to be near enough to help, I am still thankful for the additional help and encouragement from church friends and local support group members. Being involved in a supportive network also lets me feel like I have something to give back to others, maybe not in helping meet physical needs, but there is hope and purpose simply in sharing my story and showing someone else that she is not alone either.

Another huge advantage we have in the age of the internet is that there are support websites and message boards for just about any issue you can imagine, even those “one-in-a-million” type illnesses. If you can’t find an existing one to meet your needs, there are many free places to create your own online community. When you become a part of an online support network, you may not find someone in your own backyard who will be there to drive you to your next doctor’s appointment (but then again, you may make just such a connection!) but you probably will find many others who personally understand the fears and frustrations of your challenge, be it chronic or the crisis variety. I participate in several online support networks such as Rest Ministries (support for any form of chronic pain/illness), Hannah's Prayer (infertility and pregnancy/infant death support), and many disease-specific forums.



I realize these are only three small places to start the coping process, but this post is already getting quite long, so I’ll save my next three tips for another day. If you want a few more ideas right now, check out Finding Courage in Crisis, an interesting article I ran across earlier this month. I'm always looking for new coping concepts to tuck away for times of need. So how do you cope with chronic, with crisis, or with crisis on top of chronic? I really would love to hear what you have to share!!!


For more on this topic, join Lisa Copen and I as we talk (yes, in our real voices) during the National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week Virtual Conference on September 15. Between the two of us, Lisa and I have survived 45 years of multiple chronic illnesses including Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (ME/CFS), Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), Diabetes, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS/PCOD), infertility, chemical sensitivities and more. We know that life doesn't stop just because we are in pain. Hear our radio chat as we share our hearts and experiences through surgeries, infections, IV therapies, broken bones, unemployment, adoption journeys, and grief ranging from miscarriages to the deaths of grandparents. We will talk about survival skills for coping the stress of everyday life when crisis hits and we'll look forward to chatting with you as you call in your own crisis on top of chronic stories too.

Go to HarvestingHope.blogspot.com/2009/09/crisis-chronic-2.html for "part two" of these notes or listen to the radio program at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/invisibleillnessconf/2009/09/15/Coping-with-Crises-on-Top-of-Chronic--Chat-with-2-Gals-Who-Understand.